Monday, May 17, 2010

Trapped in the Highlands

I need help. There’s a great old Celtic song called Wild Mountain Thyme. Last Friday at work I listened to Enter the Haggis’s live version which is awesome. The problem is that now I can’t get the tune out of my head. I’ve been singing it for 4 days: morning, noon and night:

Will you go, lassie, go
And we’ll all go together
To pick wild mountain thyme
All around the blooming heather,
Will you go, lassie, go

I tried listening to Slayer’s War Ensemble thinking it would pummel the song out of my head:

Propaganda death ensemble
Burial to be
Corpses rotting through the night
In blood laced misery

But it didn’t work. I was shredding on my air guitar, banging my head and still felt like I was among the blooming heather.

To get music out of my mind altogether I tried to write a poem but this came out:

I knew a man who was a Scot
Who wanted to smoke some pot
He only had 3 dimes
So had to buy wild mountain thyme
Now he thinks he’s a knight in Camelot

Music wasn’t working, writing didn’t work, so I turned to TV. Up and down the dial I searched for help. I stopped on the History channel but they had a 2 hour history of Scotland. I went to the Food Network and Paula Dean was cooking thyme roasted chicken. Home and Garden had the winner of the Best Field of Heather contest and TV Land was showing a marathon of Lassie!

I went to my DVDs to grab Terminator 2. I figured Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Cameron could drive the song from my head. I put the disc in, pushed play and suddenly there was a swell of bagpipes. I had picked out Braveheart instead!

As I write this I am preparing my last ditch effort. I have a new blade in my jigsaw and I plan to cut off the top of my skull to remove my brain unless you have another idea. Help me.

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