Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Silly, Stupid Poems

I found a web site that publishes funny, silly, stupid poetry. It just so happens I sometimes write funny, silly, stupid poems so I submitted 3 of mine. The editor didn't think they were funny, silly or stupid enough I guess as they were rejected. I decided to present them to my half dozen readers and let you decide just how stupid they really are.

I have no idea what my inspiration was for this one, it was a stream of consciousness exercise and this was the result:

It’s a Long Story

Rubbing the sleep
from my eyes
I accidentally
popped an eyeball out.
It plopped onto the table
rolling through
spilled salt and
bread crumbs.
I made a grab for it
but it fell
off the edge to the floor
with a thud,
glancing off my foot,
sliding across the linoleum
and under the refrigerator.
I heard chattering
and a mouse
ran past me
carrying my eye
in its mouth.
I chased it
around the kitchen
but eventually
the mouse disappeared
behind the cabinets.
Frantically I threw open
every door,
saw the vermin drop
behind the sink
and out through
a hole in the floor.
So if you see me
please don’t ask
about the golf ball
in my right socket.
It’s a long story.

This next one started with the title. I overheard someone say this and it struck my ear as interesting. I wrote it down and then created this poem based on that title:

Interview as Conversation

So tell me, why did you leave your last job?
     The pending criminal charges made it awkward around the office.

I bet. Do you have experience in accounting?
     Sure, I’ve been a counting all my life: 1, 2, 3, I’m good at it.

Excellent. Hmmm. We’ve covered your arrest, was that a misdemeanor or a felony?
     Oh felony. I don’t do things halfway.

I like that spirit. Tell me, why do you think you would fit in here?
     Your ad says this is only a temporary position . . . and in 3 months I’ll be working in
     the Pennsylvania penal system.

Another good point. You are a sharp one.
     Thank you. So do I get the job?

Oh no. No, no. Not a chance.
     Huh. Well I’ve already got one felony on my record . . .

This last one I wrote a long time ago. I've always loved it for some reason although no one else seems to. It's been rejected probably a dozen times. No matter, I still love it:

In for a Penny

Three blind mice
carrying plague-infected fleas
with a seeing-eye cat
who owed them a favor,
on the prowl
for the farmer’s wife.
They find instead, a crowded pub
and go in for a drink.
The fleas scatter.
Within days
dozens are sick                                               
and officials blame the pickled eggs.

So, tell me. Just how funny, silly, or stupid are these poems?