Saturday, May 29, 2010

All the News that's Fit to Bloviate

If you need a good laugh try going to the Drudge Report website and just read the headlines and advertisements. Run by an insipid bag of protoplasm appropriately named Matt Drudge, the Report is a faux news site. I say faux because most of the story links lead to right wing blogs, not legitimate news sites.

Yesterday an ad appeared at the top with a picture of President Obama that said, “BP Oil Spill, Obama’s Fault? Vote Here” Let’s do a checklist:

Does Obama work for BP? NO
Does he work in the oil industry? NO
Was he on the oil rig when the explosion occurred? NO
Did he cause the methane buildup? NO
Was he in charge of safety checks on the rig? NO
Did he cause the hole in the pipeline? NO

Hmmm. Call me Skeptical Pete if you want to, but I’m not seeing how this is Obama’s fault. The ad might as well say, “BP oil spill, The Cookie Monsters Fault? Vote here”.

(A small aside: James Carville, shut the hell up. Skeletor has been on TV all week crying like a baby whose lost his pacifier for Obama to come down to the gulf. Why? What’s he supposed to down there he can’t do in D.C.? Is he supposed to don a wet suit, dive down and seal the hole with his presidential spit? Go to your room James and let the grown ups talk.)

One of the headlines last week led me to an article posted on WorldNet Daily, a right wing burlap sack filled with conspiracy theories, half-truths and outright lies. It was about private investigators supposedly discovering that Obama was using a social security number that would have been issued to a resident of Connecticut. Since Obama never lived in the Nutmeg State, how could this be? There’s only one answer: Obama isn’t a citizen and to stay ahead of Johnny Law he co-opts other people’s SS numbers. I googled this story and oddly enough the only mentions it’s getting are on right wing blogs. Not one legitimate “news” site gave it any ink.

Another story that the Drudge Report had itself in high dudgeon over was the one about the White House offering Joe Sestak a job to drop out of the Pennsylvania senate race. It was again a story on the festering pustule that is WorldNet Daily with the puffy, prevaricating Dick Morris bellowing like a water buffalo that if true this was an impeachable offense for Obama. Man, the republiclods get a chubby at the invoking of the word “impeach” in any of its forms.

Again, I researched the story. Legitimate news sites talked to historians, ethics professors, lawyers and political experts. Their reaction? “So what? Backroom deals happen all the time.” The most interesting nugget I read was that Reagan and Bush did the same thing. Swing and a miss, no impeachment republichowderheads.

So remember, for the best in online comedy, try The Drudge Report. As my 11th grade English teacher liked to say: It’s funnier than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

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