Thursday, May 24, 2012

3 Random Things

I don’t like the term “sweat equity”. I find it to be obnoxious. It’s the elitist version of “hard work”.

This project has taken months to pull together. I’ve got a lot of sweat equity invested so it needs to pay off.

Translation: I’ve spent weeks sitting on my ass in meetings, making phone calls and schmoozing with everyone I thought could do me a favor. I’d better get stock options or they’ll repossess my Lexus.

Meanwhile there’s the guy who helped construct the building all this business was conducted in.

Man this is hard work. I’m sweating my balls off.

Translation: Holy shit I’m tired. And it’s so hot my balls have literally fallen off and will need surgically reattached.

We all have different skill sets and do varied jobs. I sit in front of a computer all day. Sometimes I make phone calls or sit in a meeting. But I never say I’ve invested “sweat equity” because the only reason I’m sweating is the AC isn’t turned high enough.


I got an email this week which had the subject: Did your surgery require a vaginal mesh patch?

I was stunned. I didn’t even know I had had surgery, much less that I apparently needed a vaginal mesh patch. I went to my doctor and he promptly threw me out of his office. Turns out I didn’t have surgery after all and I don’t even have a vagina, which is a prerequisite for needing a mesh patch.

Actually I’m starting a band called Vaginal Mesh Patch. Our sound will be a mixture of Carol King, Judas Priest and a church choir. I’m calling the new style Gothic a cappella Pop.


Another email I received this week is from a web site called eBusiness. I have repeatedly unsubscribed from this site and in fact don’t recall ever subscribing but the emails keep coming. In this one the subject read: A better Sarch Engine for Cosmic Overdrive.

I cannot tell you . . . how long I have looked for . . . a better . . . sarch engine. Sorry, I’m getting emotional, it’s just that it’s been years, YEARS, that I’ve turned over every rock to find a better sarch engine. When I typed it into Google it asked me “did you mean search engine?” NO! I need a SARCH engine!

Finally, in my darkest hour, eBusiness, has provided me with an engine that will run my Sarch. Now if I could just find where I put it.

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