I’m turning over a new leaf today. The old one has changed to strange colors, a mixture of the entire rainbow after being dragged through Penn Jillette’s colon. The leaf has also gotten too veiny. It looks like a bus route map of
and the veins are protruding from the flesh
like the Loch Ness monster posing for photos. The old leaf is dead. God save
the new leaf. Passaic New
The new leaf, his name is Jerry, is shiny and sleek. A vibrant green, Jerry is ready for action. Whether it’s leading a sales meeting, throwing a dinner party or rescuing a dog named Poochie from a barn fire, Jerry is there. Jerry will give you a high five after you hit the winning shot in a Tuesday evening rec league basketball game or offer admonishment when you take five pennies from the “take a penny” plate at the gas station.
Jerry is a leaf’s leaf. He is the alpha leaf, top leaf, the big leaf in the forest. Jerry is the kind of leaf trees dream about when they’re still saplings. Other leaves are jealous of Jerry. Other leaves call him names like “Leafy O’Toole” and “Mugs Maple”, but it all rolls like water off of Jerry’s shiny back.
I’m turning over a new leaf today. Yep, it’s Jerry and me against the world. Jerry says hi.