Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Goodbye George Pataki

Over the past few weeks I took a break from the presidential candidates to enjoy my Christmas and New Year celebrations. Now that the bunting has all been taken down, the empty boxes have been given to the toddlers and cats and restaurant gift cards burned through so we could eat something besides turkey, mashed potatoes and rum balls, its back to normal life.

Sadly it seems the presidential campaigns are still going on and not much has changed. It’s the same lying, bloviating and unartful bullshit. And that’s just Donald Trump. Who knows what the other candidates are doing. Seriously, who knows? The news doesn’t cover anyone else. If Ted Cruz locked himself in a missile silo in North Dakota and declared himself Grand Poobah of the Black Hills we wouldn’t know because the networks would be covering Trump snipping his toe nails before bed.

We lost another candidate recently. George Pataki killed his campaign. Well, voter apathy killed his campaign. The fact that almost no one knew he was running killed his chances. Supposedly he had a team working for him but no one has come forward to admit to it. There was an announcement made when he chose to run, reportedly, but I doubt it. I mean I saw the press conference when Lincoln “Hello Rhode Island” Chaffee announced he was running but I didn’t see a video, photo or daguerreotype of Pataki’s announcement.

 I think in George’s mind he was running for President, but he forgot to tell everyone else. The speeches he allegedly gave? I believe he was in his basement surrounded by his grandchildren’s stuffed animals, standing on an overturned laundry basket laying out his plan for immigration reform. I hear the elephant and Elmo walked out to go see Carly Fiorina in her pantry discussing gun control to cans of peas and corn.

George is another in a too-long line of men wasting time and money on a dream they had no chance of attaining. None of these failed campaigns are surprises. I don’t understand the folly of these men. Are their egos so massive they can’t see the Petrified Forest for America’s dismissal of their electability? Most of them have committees to explore whether running is viable. What do these committees say to them? Don’t any of them have the courage to tell the truth?

“Yeah, George, see it’s like this. Almost no one, and I mean NO ONE, knows who you are. And those that do . . . won’t vote for you. So . . . Murray and I are going to take off, grab a bite to eat, maybe catch a movie before polishing up the resumes. These past few days have been fun, and, good luck not running for President.”

Goodbye George Pataki, we hardly knew you. And apparently we didn’t want to.

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