Friday, April 12, 2013

A Day in the Life of Aries

My horoscope for today:

This is another day for settling in and tending to practical matters, dear Aries.

“Dear Aries”? That’s more familiar than I like an astrology web site to get with me but I’ll overlook it. “Practical matters”. I guess that means I shouldn’t work on my tunnel to the land of the mole people that I believe live under my trailer and break in at night to steal from my spice rack. I’m telling you I had more than half a jar of cumin a few days ago.

Even so, a repeated theme comes into focus today, and involves facing up to truths about the past, and possibly a hard look at financial or intimacy matters.

My intimacy matters are not the business of a for-entertainment-purposes only, pseudo-scientific enterprise such as Horoscopes-R-Us. Furthermore there are no problems between myself and Darlene the Wonder Girl. I got her out of the package and inflated just fine. Yes, the cat punctured her but I patched the hole with some duct tape. Everything’s good now. As for financial matters, hmm, let’s see, $200 for the doll, $10,000 for the drill to dig under the trailer, $3 for Cheetos, $5000 to pay the drilling crew, $105 for Cheetos for the crew, $1500 to fix the damage the crew did to the neighbor’s lawn, $35 for Cheetos for the neighbors . . . yeah, I’m broke.

You'll need to muster up a lot of patience, as you can be experiencing some delays and restrictions now. Even so, these are not setbacks. Instead, you are making important adjustments. You may not be able to move forward as quickly as you'd like, but if you do so step by step, then you're more likely to do it successfully.

The neighborhood improvement committee has sent me a cease and desist letter about the drilling, but I think I’m close to convincing them the mole people are real. I spoke to the treasurer, Margie Flup, and she said her oregano is gone and her dried dill weed is suspiciously low.

This is not the best day for financial and romantic matters, as there is some insecurity to deal with on these levels.

Of course there are some insecurities. I’ve spent my life savings on industrial equipment I’m not zoned for to prove that the mythical creatures I believe are living under my home are real just so I can save on buying cumin seed and bay leaves.

Creativity: Fair ~ Love: Fair ~ Business: Good

Creativity = fair? I don’t know, I came up with this nonsense didn’t I?

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