Monday, July 2, 2012

Mitch McConnell Hates You

The Fix-Is-In News interviewed Mitch “Huckleberry” McConnell about the Affordable Health Care Act and Mitch earned his stripes yet again as one of the world’s leading douche bags. When asked how the republicans would provide health care coverage to approximately 30 million Americans if they repeal the act, McConnell said “that is not the issue”. I think there are a few people who would disagree with that statement.

Mitch McConnell: 30 million uninsured Americans is not the issue.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: Yeah, to us it kind of is the issue.
Mitch McConnell: But I’m not you. I’m white, rich and powerful.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: How are we supposed to afford medicine when our children are sick?
Mitch McConnell: All I know is that I get my Viagra for free. I mean, the wife won’t touch my gray, decrepit body but it’s still nice to feel the general salute once in a while.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: Eww. What does that have to do with the people you propose to represent not being able to afford to go to a doctor?
Mitch McConnell: Good God people I’m a republican politician. How many ways can I say I don’t care?
30 Million Uninsured Americans: We want to go to the doctor too!
Mitch McConnell:  And I want my face to stop sliding down my skull like Droopy Dog but it ain’t gonna happen.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: Why are you such a dick?
Mitch McConnell: *sigh*  Rich, white, powerful, republican: I’ve been over all this already. Work with me people.
30 Million Uninsured Americans:  You were quoted as saying America already has the best health care system in the world. 30 million uninsured, people traveling over the border into Canada and Mexico to buy drugs they can’t afford to buy here, people going to other countries to get operations they can’t pay for here: How can you say our system is the best?
Mitch McConnell: Every senator and congressman and their families covered for life for free. I’m good.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: The Affordable care act will prohibit insurance companies from excluding people with pre-existing conditions. Your answer is that the states can handle these people, but only 35 states have a program like this in place. What about Americans living in the other 15 states?
Mitch McConnell: Sucks to be them.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: The states that do have these programs have high premiums, long waiting periods and won’t cover all procedures. How does this help anyone?
Mitch McConnell: I’m not here to help. I exist only to coast through life on the backs of people like you who didn’t think ahead and become a senator in a country whose political system is the only machine more screwed up than its health care system.
30 Million Uninsured Americans: You suck.
Mitch McConnell: Boo hoo. I’m gonna go take a dump and use a copy of that Supreme Court decision to wipe my boney ass.

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