James Spader Won't Return My Calls

I am making a motion to the world at large that there cannot be two different movies of the same name. The fact that we currently allow this to happen has cost me $4.46. Here is my sad story.

I was listening to an old episode of the radio show Hearts of Space. If you’re not familiar with it, it is a weekly hour long show that plays ambient music. Each show has a theme and a mellow-voiced DJ. If you’re not careful the sound of Steven Hill’s voice will put you to sleep before the music does.

There is a show from a few years back that showcases music from movie soundtracks. They played several tracks from the movie “Crash”. That would be the “Crash” that won the best picture Oscar and starred people like Matt Dillon, Ryan Phillipe, Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock and many others. Seriously, there were like 356 people in that movie. The opening credits took 47 minutes just to list their names.

I liked what I heard so I decided to buy the soundtrack. Now when I say “buy” I don’t mean I will saunter down to my local music store to hand over a crisp $20 bill and walk out with a square plastic case with a shiny new CD inside. I mean that I will log on to a web site that originates from a country not named the United States and I will purchase mp3s for a small amount.

So I go to the web site and search for “Crash”. A bunch of things come up but none are the movie soundtrack. Next I went to Amazon to look for a used copy. I again searched “Crash” and viola; there it was, used for $1.35. With shipping my total was $4.46.  A few days later my CD arrives. I’m looking at the still pictures from the movie on the inserts and I think “these people weren’t in Crash”. Yes, I had bought the wrong soundtrack. Apparently there is another movie titled “Crash” from 1996 starring James Spader and Holly Hunter.

Now I’m in a huff. The inside of a huff is dark and hot with the music of Gary Lewis and the Playboys spinning nonstop which just leaves you confused. I go back to Amazon to find the correct “Crash” soundtrack and they have it, but even used its $13 and I don’t have that much for a CD right now, but I do find out the name of the composer. So I go back to my shall-remain-nameless web site and search under his name and what do I find? The “Crash” soundtrack I had searched for a week ago and couldn’t find. Crap.

I wonder if James Spader would refund my $4.46?