Saturday, June 16, 2012

Oh, That Mitt

We interrupt this episode of “Idiots Doing Stupid Shit in Front of a Camera and Braying like Jackasses” for this special report. We go now live to correspondent Cueball Bumbersnoot. Cueball?

“Thank you Ferdinand. I am standing outside of Republican headquarters here in Washington D.C. where we have received word that Mitt Romney has said something stupid. We do not, I repeat, do not yet know what he said, but my sources say it was quite ignorant. As I speak we have people behind the scenes trying to verify just how stupid the remark was in comparison to other dopey things the presidential nominee has said like when he said “My wife drives a couple of Cadillacs.” You can imagine how cumbersome an undertaking this is considering the many absolutely asinine things Mr. Romney has uttered over the last few months such as “I like being able to fire people.”

Cueball, this is Ferdinand Magellan in the studio again, can you tell the listeners where Mr. Romney was when he made his latest gaffe?

“I can’t Ferdinand. Unfortunately we are only minutes into this scandal and it appears that in a desperate grab for ratings we have gone on the air woefully unprepared.”

It’s been well documented that he’s made a gaffe at nearly every campaign event this election cycle like when he said “Corporations are people.”

“That’s true Ferdy. It’s very hard for Mr. Romney to open his mouth without making a ridiculous statement and when he doesn’t; his wife complies with one of her own.”

Isn’t it also true that Mr. Romney’s surrogates have made missteps, such as the etch-a-sketch incident?

“Yes Ferd, that’s right. We do have good information that this time it is in fact Mr. Romney himself who has put his foot in his mouth, Oxford dress shoe and all. I am hearing now that although we don’t have the exact quote it is being called dumber than when he said “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America  millions of Americans believe in.” but not as bad as when he said “I am not concerned about the very poor.”

Any idea when you will have details, Cueball?

No idea at all Ferdman. As I said, we ran with this story way too soon. I shouldn’t even be on the air right now.

Thank you Cueball Bumbersnoot. We now return to our regularly scheduled program, “Morons on Parade.”

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