Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ding Dong the Douche is Dead

Rick Santorum has dropped out of the presidential primary race.

We dodged a bullet,
had a close shave,
got lucky,
lost our religion,
found religion,
almost ate tofu,
nearly watched an Adam Sandler movie,
came within a second of thermonuclear mutual assured destruction before the computer realized it was a game,
closed our eyes just before seeing Grandma naked,
it was close—too close,
almost bought a Smart Car,
nearly believed Arnold Schwarzenegger got that big without steroids,
came this close to believing the Jerry Springer show was for real,
took a wild ride,
stepped in dog shit and had trouble cleaning it all off of our shoes,
zigged when we should have zagged,
ducked when we should have covered,
used the flim flam when we should have boogie woogied,

and last but not least,

actually listened to the putrescence that spewed from Santorum’s mouth and made the informed decision to vote for him

Rick Santorum has a college degree but tells others they shouldn’t go.

Rick Santorum once got an email from a friend whose boss was sleeping with his wife, asking for advice. Rick forwarded the email to the boss so the friend got fired and the scandal could remain hidden “for the good of the republican party”.

Rick Santorum doesn’t just think people shouldn’t use contraception, he believes they shouldn’t be PERMITTED to use it, by law.

Rick Santorum says there are no Palestinians. I’m pretty sure the Palestinians would dispute that.

When the Congressional Budget Office came out with numbers that said the Affordable Care Act would actually cost slightly less than previously reported, Rick Santorum gave a speech that night where he lied and said it would not cost twice as much as originally thought.

Why did anyone vote for this man?

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