This Space for Rent

This is the first sentence of this blog. (sponsored by Hank’s Hot Wing Hootenanny—6 locations in the tri-state area featuring Hank’s Hellzapoppin’ Sauce) In an effort to make some coin I’ve decided to get corporate sponsorship for Cosmic Overdrive. (This period brought to you by Boomer Davis’s paper route—always on your porch by 6 a.m.) I haven’t been able to attract any big names yet, but I’m working on it. (The first paragraph was provided by Mr. Spock’s Used Computers and Video Games, located at the corner of 6th and Main Streets, around the block, up the steps, through the broken wooden door, turn left, down the hall, 2nd door after the out-of-order bathroom)

I’ve always made fun of college bowl games being named after their sponsorship (the letter “p” is brought to you by the Key to it All Locksmith—“If You’re Out We’ll Get You In, If You’re In We’ll Get You Out, If You Don’t Have a Lock We Can’t Help You) and sports stadiums named after banks and insurance companies, but (connecting words sponsored by Hearty Hearts—The dating service for sickeningly sweet people) in these hard times we all have to do what we have to do. (Lame, overused phrase brought to you by McCullough’s Ebay Store—Bring your life to us and we’ll sell it for a percentage)

I know theses ads are annoying (for the best in compressed meat product, shop Dundle’s Surplus Market—we buy cheap for you) and I’m not sure this is a good idea, (Millie’s Mousepad Cozies—hand sewn since 2002) but the production costs for each entry of Cosmic Overdrive have sky-rocketed to over a million dollars an entry. (Come down to Starz Bar and Cars—the counties only combination car lot and pub. This week’s specials: $2 jello shooters and a 2005 Hyundai Sonata only $9550)

I may have to cut down on the special effects and high priced guest stars unless (Bermsderfer Dairy Farm—we love our cows more than we love ourselves) I can increase revenue. So thanks for bearing with me and see you next time. (Closing brought to you by Frook’s Mortuary—We’ll Turn ‘em or Burn ‘em, Either Way They’re Dead)