In line at the grocery store I’m looking at one of the celebrity magazines, People or Ok or In Touch, whatever. The cover has Jessica Simpson on with the headline: “Jessica Simpson’s How I Lost 10 lbs in 2 Weeks”. This is not a cover story. I’ve lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. Here’s how: ate a lot less, exercised a lot more. Thank you, good night!
Come on gossip magazines, you can do better. While I’m waiting to pay for my cheese doodles and Armenian pita bread I want to read things like: “Jessica Simpson Explains Why She Epoxied Her Hand to Her Forehead in a Permanent Salute to the Troops” or “Angelina Jolie Injects Whale Blubber into Her lips for that Chic Inuit Look”.
Give me stories like these:
“Britney Spears’ New Song? A Five Minute Loop of Her Saying ‘Y’All’. It’s a Hit!”
“Lindsay Lohan: WTF?”
“Brad Pitt: Does He Really Bathe in the Sweat of Venezuelan Orphans to Stay Young?”
“Without Makeup George Clooney Looks Like Ernest Borgnine: We Have the Proof!”
These are the tales of fame and intrigue America wants and needs. Step it up People, In Touch, Ok, Us and all the rest. Feed the beast.