Tuesday, March 24, 2009

How I Lost 100,000 Brain Cells in 10 Seconds

In line at the grocery store I’m looking at one of the celebrity magazines, People or Ok or In Touch, whatever. The cover has Jessica Simpson on with the headline: “Jessica Simpson’s How I Lost 10 lbs in 2 Weeks”. This is not a cover story. I’ve lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. Here’s how: ate a lot less, exercised a lot more. Thank you, good night!

Come on gossip magazines, you can do better. While I’m waiting to pay for my cheese doodles and Armenian pita bread I want to read things like: “Jessica Simpson Explains Why She Epoxied Her Hand to Her Forehead in a Permanent Salute to the Troops” or “Angelina Jolie Injects Whale Blubber into Her lips for that Chic Inuit Look”.

Give me stories like these:

“Britney Spears’ New Song? A Five Minute Loop of Her Saying ‘Y’All’. It’s a Hit!”

“Lindsay Lohan: WTF?”

“Brad Pitt: Does He Really Bathe in the Sweat of Venezuelan Orphans to Stay Young?”

“Without Makeup George Clooney Looks Like Ernest Borgnine: We Have the Proof!”

These are the tales of fame and intrigue America wants and needs. Step it up People, In Touch, Ok, Us and all the rest. Feed the beast.

No comments:

Post a Comment