Ariana
Grande is a mythical pixie in flesh form who sings unoriginal, derivative songs
in a tone only schnauzers can hear. For reasons that elude me and cats
throughout the world, some people like her music, enough so she was set to head
a concert in
Yesterday
a video surfaced of the lighter than hydrogen singer in a donut shop with her
boyfriend, one of her back up dancers (unoriginal and derivative in romance as
well). Ariana pretended to lick a donut that was on the counter. Then when an
employee brought out a new tray of fresh donuts she said, “What the fuck is
this? I hate Americans. I hate America
Hmmm. I
don’t . . . I don’t know where to start. How . . . how do you explain . . .
this?
If
you don’t like donuts, GET OUT! This country does not need you. Donuts are
sacred!
If
you don’t like donuts, why are you in a donut shop? Surely there was some
Shakespearian forest you could have been prancing around in with Puck and the
sprites.
Why
would you pretend to lick a donut? That innocent pastry did nothing to harm
you. That sugary glaze was not meant for a mouth as bitter as yours, but as a
sweet delight for a hard-working American. Joe the construction worker deserved
that donut. Instead a mincing show pony ruined it.
When
they brought out the tray of donuts why did you hiss at it like your boy-toy
had just slid his finger in your ass? They weren’t going to hurt you. They’re
donuts, not cobras.
My research says you
were born in Boca Raton Florida
Grande is no longer playing the baseball
concert. She says it’s because she is recovering from having her wisdom teeth
pulled.
(cough)(cough)bullshit(cough) (cough)bullshit(cough)
The box of 10X sugar with a microphone has also
apologized and explained she was just concerned about childhood obesity and she
naïvely thought she could help by going to Dunkin Donuts, making out with
someone on her payroll and then cursing 300,000,000 people.
Narcissism is great, huh?
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