Silly, Stupid Poems

I found a web site that publishes funny, silly, stupid poetry. It just so happens I sometimes write funny, silly, stupid poems so I submitted 3 of mine. The editor didn't think they were funny, silly or stupid enough I guess as they were rejected. I decided to present them to my half dozen readers and let you decide just how stupid they really are.

I have no idea what my inspiration was for this one, it was a stream of consciousness exercise and this was the result:

It’s a Long Story

Rubbing the sleep

from my eyes

I accidentally

popped an eyeball out.

It plopped onto the table

rolling through

spilled salt and

bread crumbs.

I made a grab for it

but it fell

off the edge to the floor

with a thud,

glancing off my foot,

sliding across the linoleum

and under the refrigerator.

I heard chattering

and a mouse

ran past me

carrying my eye

in its mouth.

I chased it

around the kitchen

but eventually

the mouse disappeared

behind the cabinets.

Frantically I threw open

every door,

saw the vermin drop

behind the sink

and out through

a hole in the floor.

So if you see me

please don’t ask

about the golf ball

in my right socket.

It’s a long story.

This next one started with the title. I overheard someone say this and it struck my ear as interesting. I wrote it down and then created this poem based on that title:

Interview as Conversation

So tell me, why did you leave your last job?

     The pending criminal charges made it awkward around the office.

I bet. Do you have experience in accounting?

     Sure, I’ve been a counting all my life: 1, 2, 3, I’m good at it.

Excellent. Hmmm. We’ve covered your arrest, was that a misdemeanor or a felony?

     Oh felony. I don’t do things halfway.

I like that spirit. Tell me, why do you think you would fit in here?

     Your ad says this is only a temporary position . . . and in 3 months I’ll be working in

     the Pennsylvania penal system.

Another good point. You are a sharp one.

     Thank you. So do I get the job?

Oh no. No, no. Not a chance.

     Huh. Well I’ve already got one felony on my record . . .

This last one I wrote a long time ago. I've always loved it for some reason although no one else seems to. It's been rejected probably a dozen times. No matter, I still love it:

In for a Penny

Three blind mice

carrying plague-infected fleas

with a seeing-eye cat

who owed them a favor,

on the prowl

for the farmer’s wife.

They find instead, a crowded pub

and go in for a drink.

The fleas scatter.

Within days

dozens are sick                                               

and officials blame the pickled eggs.

So, tell me. Just how funny, silly, or stupid are these poems?