tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38899237963140382972024-03-13T15:50:01.363-07:00Cosmic OverdriveRagnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.comBlogger314125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-29397898621965630312019-03-06T14:19:00.000-08:002019-03-06T14:19:22.978-08:00Where are All the Billionaire Candidates?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7ZzabLYh1T72VPOVYGyJ2Omhc035Gvj2pEONfaMh1poMB_OuQfF6ogF8NGfhc24Wx0k5EmM0Hr2hcZW115F6k_hPCpUuumSTK0rMJmYoBPc7mUf-IxMdjcJKXEVF1iasuJR6wyENhjKe/s1600/240540.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="298" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7ZzabLYh1T72VPOVYGyJ2Omhc035Gvj2pEONfaMh1poMB_OuQfF6ogF8NGfhc24Wx0k5EmM0Hr2hcZW115F6k_hPCpUuumSTK0rMJmYoBPc7mUf-IxMdjcJKXEVF1iasuJR6wyENhjKe/s200/240540.gif" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mike
Bloomberg is not running for president.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let
that sink in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
means we only have Howard Schultz. We only have one fatuous billionaire to not
vote for on the Democratic ticket in 2020.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How
are we going to get through the election cycle with only one narcissistic,
out-of-touch, ignorant, bloviating, pontificating, flatulent, misguided,
egocentric, shit-for-brains, fuckwit billionaire to mock and spew our bile at?
We’re doomed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
is the American form of democracy. It all breaks down if billionaires aren’t
trying to buy the presidency. I know that the rest of the 73 candidates are
likely millionaires. So what? A millionaire compared to a billionaire is like
watching the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Andy Griffith Show</i> after
Don Knotts left or requesting to listen to heavy metal music and they play Bon
Jovi. It’s not the same.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
need more clueless, unwanted, nefarious, criminal, uncaring, pettifogging,
arrogant, oily, humorless, morally bankrupt assclown billionaires to revile and
send home to cry in their bitcoins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">CNN,
MSNBC, FOX and other news outlets have hours of airtime to fill with the
recitation of stupid ideas, made up stories, false equivalencies and lies
wrapped in prevarication. Who better to present this literally unbelievable
information than billionaires who haven’t spoken to a regular American since
they excoriated the parking valet at their private club for leaving a palm
print on their Bugatti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
Democrats are going to run a thousand different candidates up the flag pole to
see which one can flap in the breeze strong enough to defeat Captain Meathead
in 2020. More of them need to be billionaires to show us definitively who not
to vote for, who can’t run the country, and who needs to hide away in their
mansion and shut the hell up.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-54375636931085560462019-02-07T14:01:00.000-08:002019-02-07T14:01:00.324-08:00When Bad Football Happens to Good People<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaCBBIDHlINHOrvidUoIs0vtAccXKMNWFWJvNkXP_MGi5m53epRhuY_quCnImg_u5QnVnmCzm0oTkaxR1g6VudK-V_w_vpWsRufP_x00qhwDY_VVW1zxtvWyqexvT8ZD3ElllxXdYhc_lv/s1600/football.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="403" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaCBBIDHlINHOrvidUoIs0vtAccXKMNWFWJvNkXP_MGi5m53epRhuY_quCnImg_u5QnVnmCzm0oTkaxR1g6VudK-V_w_vpWsRufP_x00qhwDY_VVW1zxtvWyqexvT8ZD3ElllxXdYhc_lv/s200/football.gif" width="136" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">This
past Sunday we were all hurt. Go ahead, let it out, we’re all feeling it.
Football season is over and that, </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">that</i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">
is how it ended.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
expected some discomfort because we were being forced to watch the insufferable
Patriots again. But the level of pain we were subjected to was a shock. Missed
field goals, dropped passes, bad passes, bad officiating, missed blocks, missed
tackles, punt after punt after punt, no scoring.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At
the party I attended people were openly weeping, begging deities of all
religions to save us. My brother converted to Rastafarianism thinking the music
of Eek-a-Mouse would calm his transient nausea, but the last I saw he was in
the corner mumbling about not having enough hair to grow dreadlocks. The rest
of us called in a pastor for an explanation. We had done nothing wrong, so why
were we being punished? As the seconds wound down on the first quarter the
pastor himself was on his knees crying to the heavens “Oh God why hast thou
forsaken us? They can’t even kick a field goal!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mid-way
through the second quarter we were so lost we called in a philosopher to help
us with our existential dread. His Jean-Paul Sartre quotes of “man is a useless
passion” and “nothingness haunts being” were not helpful. By the time he was
deep into Nietzsche’s treatise on the abyss we were angry. Punching him wasn’t soothing
so we kicked him instead which acted as a mild balm for our wounds. We left him
outside contemplating the puddle of snot pooling around his nose and mumbling
Heidegger nonsense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
game was a brutal examination of ineptitude that we dragged behind us like a
boat anchor. “Maybe the half time show will cheer us up,” we thought. Music is
a great healer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
think it was my sister who snapped first. “Turn it off, turn it off!” she
yelled. “Music isn’t supposed to sound like that!” Every note was like a pill
caught in our collective throats. The air became heavy and unbreathable. With
each article of clothing Adam Levine took off, the songs got exponentially
worse until it sounded like a combination of Mongolian throat singing and
Coldplay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
were barely hanging onto our sanity by the time the second half started. We
watched the whole 3<sup>rd</sup> quarter under the influence of peyote, hoping
to hallucinate a good game. It started off ok as I saw Joe Montana riding a
white stallion, throwing passes with both hands to a thousand receivers named
Jerry. Unfortunately, a dragon from my niece’s delusion invaded mine and ate
Montana. After that the field melted into an ice cream bar filled with trolls,
loose change and multiple Walter Matthaus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
end of the game was chaos. One of my brother’s had his head buried in the
cheese dip murmuring “I can’t watch anymore, I can’t.” My sister, on the edge
of a nervous breakdown since halftime, was reading Dickens loudly to drown out
Tony Romo’s voice: “ ‘IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES . .
.’ ” My other brother was on eBay trying to win an auction for an ICBM to blow
up the stadium but kept getting out-bid by a penny by some Russian account. My
niece took more peyote and was lying prone on the floor. “I’m righteous,” was
all she said when asked any question. I was outside walking the neighborhood
ringing a bell shouting “10 o’clock and all is not well, 10 o’clock and all is
not well.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
happened to all of us on Sunday was unfair. As football fans, casual gamblers
and people who just like eating at parties, we deserved better. Baseball season
starts in a few weeks. Perhaps the boredom of that will erase the bad memories
of Super Bowl 53.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-84974323369995867242019-01-30T14:50:00.000-08:002019-01-30T14:50:29.498-08:00The Death of Journalism<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NvpZXj5uVKrDw8tGw8C8l_g8GDkzvnskW7z9zaOjF79SYfmiz4xON8rZif3H2fmPNw233iLx4OTmagBjL7uZp42TfpyGacnojfbBjsKQkdrIkmnDty80PLHRuzYBDzWBJEnLlTkAhNL2/s1600/journalism-clipart-royalty-free-reporter-clipart-illustration-1157339.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NvpZXj5uVKrDw8tGw8C8l_g8GDkzvnskW7z9zaOjF79SYfmiz4xON8rZif3H2fmPNw233iLx4OTmagBjL7uZp42TfpyGacnojfbBjsKQkdrIkmnDty80PLHRuzYBDzWBJEnLlTkAhNL2/s200/journalism-clipart-royalty-free-reporter-clipart-illustration-1157339.jpg" width="190" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">By
the title of this piece you’re probably thinking it’s an erudite, in-depth look
at print journalism through the decades and how it has affected all of our
lives, from “Dewey defeats Truman” through Watergate to present day treatises
on our divided population.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Nah.
I’m not smart enough to write that 5000 words of scholarly insomnia cure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
was an actual headline on the NY Post web site today:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Leonardo DiCaprio keeps his sunglasses
on indoors at Lakers game<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
searched the entire site but couldn’t find a follow-up article called:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Leonardo DiCaprio wears pants to Lakers
game<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Of
course, what I really wanted was the scintillating story of:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Leonardo DiCaprio packs bag lunch to
Lakers game: egg salad and applesauce<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
has happened to our nation’s newspapers? How did an actor wearing sunglasses
indoors become a story? It wasn’t just a headline, there were several
paragraphs breathlessly detailing Leo’s entire sartorial ensemble. The writer’s
conclusion was he was wearing the sunglasses indoors to stay incognito. But
that didn’t work. Another celebrity, comedian Kevin Hart, spotted Leo right
away, giving him the secret Hollywood handshake and double wink of celebrity
Illuminati.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Where
was this headline:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Thousands watch Lakers game with doctor-prescribed
eyewear or contacts<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Or
this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Hundreds occasionally look up from
phones to watch moments of Lakers game<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
all for light hearted entertainment news, I read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Entertainment Weekly</i>. But this. This isn’t “news” of any kind. This
is an ego-centric douche wearing sunglasses indoors like ALL egocentric douches
do. It’s evolution. Once Leo was human, but with increasing fame and success he
metamorphosized to a clothes-wearing douche. Once that happened, the sunglasses
indoors were part of his DNA.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
NY Post didn’t have to write about it, they chose to because journalism is
dead. The Post didn’t kill it, they just drove the knife in a little deeper.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-45643209629936694802018-12-13T16:14:00.000-08:002018-12-13T16:14:03.466-08:00Another Story about Mom<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WOZKAYOROimdhPFjao2nu0z9OX0GbgWvcVWhzlm1uwAicSJbAM8OdK7zgbPCPTcnYvx05qMQYO5ThUlDC2cpILGCrApuOBweyY2g9W9w55oT4EuG8fsv77dNeEoLiamE3FegicM35jFf/s1600/jonas.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="254" data-original-width="350" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WOZKAYOROimdhPFjao2nu0z9OX0GbgWvcVWhzlm1uwAicSJbAM8OdK7zgbPCPTcnYvx05qMQYO5ThUlDC2cpILGCrApuOBweyY2g9W9w55oT4EuG8fsv77dNeEoLiamE3FegicM35jFf/s200/jonas.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
will be my family’s first Christmas without mom. A weird feeling has inhabited
me knowing there are no gifts to buy for her and not seeing her stocking shaped
like a teddy bear hanging over the fireplace at my sister’s house. Certain
Christmas songs have left me weepy when listening to them which never happened
before. We’ve been combating that by telling stories about mom that make us
smile. This is one of mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom
loved tennis. She watched every tournament on TV, even the older, retired
players who developed their own tour. She always wanted to go to one of the 4
majors. Three of them were ruled out because they were overseas in England,
France and Australia and mom was afraid to fly. She once asked me if it was
possible to get to Wimbledon by boat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">That
left the last major of the year, the US Open in New York which is a convenient
3-hour train ride from where we live in Pennsylvania. Mom found a travel agency
whose whole business was booking tennis tours. They get you tickets, hotel
rooms and have a shuttle to take you to and from the tennis center in Queens.
The last piece of the puzzle was someone to go with her because this was
something mom would never do on her own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It
was 1998 and mom caught me at a time in my life when I had money in the bank,
so I agreed to go with her. Our tickets got us assigned seats in Arthur Ashe
Stadium, but we could sit anywhere we wanted at any other court. One day we got
to the Louis Armstrong Stadium early to sit in a courtside box to watch Jonas Bjorkman
of Sweden and Cedric Pioline of France. It was a great match. It went 5 sets,
and the quality of play was very high.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At
some point during one of the change-overs where the players change sides, Bjorkman
was directly in front of us facing the other way. Mom leaned into me and said,
“You know, Jonas has a really cute butt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now,
understand . . . I know . . . I mean, I get . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Look,
I know she had every right to admire Jonas Bjorkman’s backside. It’s just not
what I expected my 70-year-old mother to say to me. I believe I responded
“Ooooookay,” which made her laugh. Then she doubled down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I
know it’s a silly thing to say, but he does have a really nice butt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So,
I looked for myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Yeah,
ok,’ I said to mom. “You’re right. He does have a nice butt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
made her laugh again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Merry
Christmas.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-28909957884174359222018-11-13T14:31:00.000-08:002018-11-13T14:31:16.293-08:00A New Theory<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7di74QnbUS1PBNdOXzTNHd93MLmDjVsxPsxZvlf6OcgOkqWzZkFjix8xthdwOqM0yzb8wg4Q4KdSevuNiYmyrgq6a_SeHP9gumvjAKSw1K_6x3rUJqpi0ZKAXyCXlt14Wy0HEmadZoVNE/s1600/f273a47719382c4f67da33a4aa2deefc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="461" data-original-width="615" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7di74QnbUS1PBNdOXzTNHd93MLmDjVsxPsxZvlf6OcgOkqWzZkFjix8xthdwOqM0yzb8wg4Q4KdSevuNiYmyrgq6a_SeHP9gumvjAKSw1K_6x3rUJqpi0ZKAXyCXlt14Wy0HEmadZoVNE/s200/f273a47719382c4f67da33a4aa2deefc.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In
my department at work we have a mix of introverts and extroverts which can make
for interesting conversations and vivid reactions to life events. Recently a
team member got married and didn’t tell anyone. When another team member found
out, a week later, there was a rainbow explosion of questions, accusations,
congratulations, more questions, incredulous expressions and open-mouthed
staring. Guess which one was which, vis-a-vis extravert vs. introvert?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
whole scene was extremely amusing, and a vision popped into my head of how
introverts and extroverts exist and interact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
introverts live in our own private bubbles, meandering through space, sometimes
bumping into one another. A quick wave or head nod and we’re on our way into
the opposite direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
extroverts exist in the theoretical space between our bubbles, zooming all over
with jet packs, yelling to one another, screaming with delight as they tell
each other absolutely everything they think or feel, absorbing each other’s
energy to fuel their rockets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
an extrovert sees an introvert bubble they can’t help themselves. They fly over
and pound on the bubble begging “Let me in, let me in, let me in, let me in,
let me in, let me in . . . .” We try to float away but our bubbles do not have
jet propulsion. We glide on a wave of peace and quiet contemplation. We try to
hide behind our books or iPads but the extrovert knows we’re home because we’re
always home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Let
me in let me in let me in let me in let me in let me in.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Eventually,
through sheer force of will, the extrovert bursts the introvert bubble and the
onslaught begins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Oh
my God, you got married? Why didn’t you say anything? When did this happen? Why
did it happen? How did you decide? Why didn’t you say anything? Where did you
go? Is that your ring? Why didn’t you tell us? What is wrong with you? Are you
happy? Why didn’t you tell me? How long have you been planning this? Was it
your idea? Was it her idea? Why didn’t you say anything? Oh my God!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Finally,
the extrovert will run out of steam, leaving to find another extrovert to tell
the story to so they can re-fill their jet pack. The introvert repairs his
bubble and floats away into the ether.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-34266339068131880252018-10-25T14:20:00.000-07:002018-10-25T14:20:15.802-07:00A Story about My Mom<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G0_Ba5jWVexwQ5BILwyrXtp08KDW0MuOcpOV9AG0Ikl0ofb7EVuV_qTzCkGWL5OuJgFm7MKrpVed-y655shG5t6kUpTmzXzVZNvIszaP3FxlTEy9QhTWBmNe2PKLjH9geGhdDiuv_b5H/s1600/100_0655.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1188" data-original-width="1600" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G0_Ba5jWVexwQ5BILwyrXtp08KDW0MuOcpOV9AG0Ikl0ofb7EVuV_qTzCkGWL5OuJgFm7MKrpVed-y655shG5t6kUpTmzXzVZNvIszaP3FxlTEy9QhTWBmNe2PKLjH9geGhdDiuv_b5H/s200/100_0655.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
mom passed away a few months ago, in August. I miss her every day, but this is
not to mourn my mother. I’ve done that, so now it is about celebrating who she
was. To give a small illustration of that I’m going to tell a story that
happened about 15 years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom
was all about her family, taking care of us, being with us. There was no one
she’d rather spend time with than her children, grandchildren and great
grandchildren.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
siblings and I like to get together and play games. We’ve had poker nights or hours
of 500 Rum. We also enjoy board games, especially trivia games like Trivial
Pursuit. Mom always played too. She was good at cards, pulling out a full house
when you thought your 3-of-a-kind was good or laying down 3 aces in 500 Rum
with a sheepish smile. She struggled more with the trivia but liked to play
because she said she learned so much during the game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">One
night, years ago, we were playing Trivial Pursuit and one of the questions mom
got, followed by the answer she gave, will remain with me forever because of
the boisterous laughter it produced.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
was the original version of Trivial Pursuit. Mom landed on the science category
and I was reading the question:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Where is the medulla oblongata located?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
answer is the brain. My brother, sister and I gave each other looks that
indicated we all knew the answer so we’re just waiting for mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
watched mom’s face as she scrunched up her mouth and said “Oh boy” under her
breath. She dropped her eyes to the floor as she thought. After about 30
seconds she looked at me and said, “I don’t know . . . Italy?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
laughter that followed was unrestrained, and after her children’s heads dropped
to the table because we couldn’t breathe, mom joined in. Soon all our faces
were red from lack of oxygen. I looked at mom and she said, “I guess that’s not
the right answer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
found enough breath to say “No, no it’s not.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Bad
jokes were bandied about like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I hope to get to Italy someday to see
the medulla oblongata.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I hear the medulla oblongata is
beautiful in the spring.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Is that where the Pope sleeps in the
Vatican?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
I was finally able to speak I said, “The answer is the brain.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom
replied, “The brain? I’d rather go to Italy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
the laughter started all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Miss
you mom.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-89878481835546975252018-10-15T14:21:00.000-07:002018-10-15T14:21:33.453-07:00Jeff Flake and Susan Collins Go to Dinner<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi17JvPWerPLA72X6AuFaGc-BFj7x5L7o-zCHZRmEykhW9eywU5nGbBtnmRjWNRtv_oFlya-qBB41DfPpdggJa02odZNVZmIMK9cvm2RbB2yxf8Cz57Rlu4tnqp4-tgZkGBQaYuclsUv0jl/s1600/menu-md.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="298" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi17JvPWerPLA72X6AuFaGc-BFj7x5L7o-zCHZRmEykhW9eywU5nGbBtnmRjWNRtv_oFlya-qBB41DfPpdggJa02odZNVZmIMK9cvm2RbB2yxf8Cz57Rlu4tnqp4-tgZkGBQaYuclsUv0jl/s200/menu-md.png" width="200" /></a><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter to Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> What can I get
for you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Nothing too spicy,
but nothing too bland. Not sure yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter to Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Are you ready
to order sir?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I don’t need a
menu, I’ll have the alfredo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women behind Flake begin chanting.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jeff Flake he’s
the best, he would never order without seeing the rest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Perhaps you’re
right. I will look at a menu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The women begin swaying in unison and
singing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jeff Flake we
love you, oh yes we do . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake, eyes misting:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> This is such an
important decision. I don’t want to be locked in a room and forced into
anything. I’d like to bring my wife down to the restaurant and get her input.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> What?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Hmmm, such a difficult
decision. I’m going to call Chuck Grassley for advice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Collins gets out her cell phone.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Chuck?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chuck Grassley:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Can’t talk now
Susie Q. Just told a democrat to piss off and it gave me a hard-on. First one since
‘06! Taking advantage and jerkin’ it as we speak.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jerkin’ it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chuck Grassley:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> You know what I
mean; you’ve been doing it to Maine for years. Ohhhhh Louie CK! Damn that felt
good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Well, he was no
help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I just need a
dinner selection . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I need time to
study this menu. It’s so voluminous it’s like being assaulted. And this
separate list of specials keeps staring at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> My wife is
here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Why don’t you
just have the salmon? It was Mr. Weinstein’s favorite.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake to his wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Honey, could
you please investigate the dinner choices? Take your time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jeff Flake,
he’s our man, he listens to women . . . sort of<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I’m doing this
against my will. I’ll be back in five minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> That’s fine,
but if the beef looks fraudulent in any way, I don’t want it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins to waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> What do you
think?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I wish you two weren’t
my customers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Do they massage,
braise, bruise, touch or lick the chicken breast before cooking it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Why would they
. . .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh good. My wife
is back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jeff Flake . .
. we thought he’d do the right thing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Get the Cobb
salad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Did you check
out the kitchen?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Did you sample
any of the food?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Did you speak
to the chef?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jeff Flake:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Good enough for
me. Waiter, I’ll have the Cobb salad. I feel drunk with power right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Flake’s wife:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I feel used.
I’m going home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two women:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Jeff Flake, he
was our man, until he let us down . . . again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> One Cobb salad.
And for the lady?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> This is the
hardest decision I’ve ever had.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> It’s dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> The chicken
would be the intelligent and respectable choice. But the T-bone steak just
keeps yelling at me. It makes me feel dirty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Waiter:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> So, the steak
then?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I’m leaning
that way but . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mitch McConnell walks by . . .<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mitch McConnell:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Get the ghost
pepper chili Suze, it’ll put hair on your chest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan’s seat is surrounded by Lindsey
Graham, Orrin Hatch, John Cornyn and Joe Manchin<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Lindsey Graham:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Get the chili
Susie, it’s good for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">John Cornyn:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Get her a bowel
of the chili.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Orrin Hatch:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> It’s what she
wants, and she knows it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mitch McConnell:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even Manchin ordered it and he’s a liberal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Susan Collins:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> All right, I’ll
take the chili.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Lindsey Graham:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> That a girl.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mitch McConnell:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Come on boys,
let’s get some beer.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-61420654387649342382018-10-08T13:43:00.000-07:002018-10-08T13:46:43.327-07:00Brought to You by . . .<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoyru6ckgm2xk94h95C5PVuGOGAB97SI9LhaPAJhCMdL07v9L2LgRNWeQvPHEuz9xXynA1wRBDaRFcDqIFoaiWSZ-_ij7tbZ17KSbdrHcS8UKoD0y6F-c5wt8O2vqU0yFuukaDSY9Pv2IC/s1600/ads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoyru6ckgm2xk94h95C5PVuGOGAB97SI9LhaPAJhCMdL07v9L2LgRNWeQvPHEuz9xXynA1wRBDaRFcDqIFoaiWSZ-_ij7tbZ17KSbdrHcS8UKoD0y6F-c5wt8O2vqU0yFuukaDSY9Pv2IC/s200/ads.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
sister and I were listening to a football game on the radio and chuckling at
all the sponsorship reads the announcers had to do. When they gave scores for
other games there was a sponsor to mention, when they discussed a great play,
it became the “play of the game” which of course had a sponsor. It made me
wonder what a broadcast will be in a few years:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Hello everybody this is Big Dave Stucky
comin’ at ya from Met Life Stadium where the Jets are taking on the Patriots.
My introduction was sponsored by Overbrook Electronics of Trenton New Jersey.
And now let’s welcome my partner, former all pro running back Glenn Forster and
his sponsor Taco Bill’s on route 1.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Thanks Dave, I love me some tacos.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Sure, who doesn’t. That banter was
brought to you by Moon Mobile, more talk for less money. Glenn what do the Jets
have to do today to stop the Pats?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Well Dave, your question was brought to
us by The Puritan School, a charter school for all ages. The Jets need to
pressure Brady early and often to keep that offense off-balance. When the Jets
are on offense they need to run the ball to control the clock. My opinion
sponsored by News Channel 7, home of the news and views that help you not to
think.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“All right, we are ready for the Cheese
Wiz opening kick-off. Andre Roberts receives the ball at the Nestles 3-yard
line and after a few jukes sponsored by Melanie’s School of Dance of Secaucus
New Jersey, he’s pulled down at the McDonald’s 24.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“The Jets really need to get stronger on
special Teams, Dave. My opinion sponsored by Haberstroh’s Haberdashery New
York, New York.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Ok, we’re ready for the GE first play
of the game. Darnold drops back and flicks a pass to Bilal Powell for a 4-yard
gain. Those positive yards brought to you by Tony Robbins. Second down, brought
to you by Second Chance Animal Sanctuary, and Darnold hands off to Powell who
goes up the middle for 3 more yards. That puts the ball at the Quaker State
31-yard line.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“The Jets need to establish a run game
today Dave. My analysis sponsored by The Schlichter Group, a nonpartisan think
tank from Washington D.C.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“It’s Arby’s third down and Darnold
throws incomplete down the middle. That incompletion brought to you by
Cadillac. The Jets are in the Jack Links Beef Jerky punt formation . . .”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“They need a good kick to pin the Pats
deep.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Glenn’s comment sponsored by Dell. The
kick is taken at the Acura 15-yard line by Edelman. He cuts right and is tackled
at the Snickers 25. We’ll be back after these messages.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">*****<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Welcome back everyone to the Jeep
second drive of the game. Glenn?”<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Thank you, Dave. My commercial break
bowel movement was brought to you by Quilted Northern. Let’s see if the
Patriots can jump on the Jets early. Analysis sponsored by Wells Fargo.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Right you are Glenn, the Patriots love
to get teams in an early hole. My agreement of your analysis brought to you by
Royal Farms. Brady drops back and throws a Kentucky Fried Chicken deep pass to
a Pepsi open receiver.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“He caught it! My excitement sponsored
by Texas Roadhouse!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Edelman has it at the Home Depot 40,
he’s at the Lowe’s 35, cuts right, breaks a Pizza Hut tackle at the Netflix 29,
slips another Subway tackle, he’s at the Regal Cinemas 17, the WaWa 10, Vizio
5, Apple Watch touchdown!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Wow! Sponsored by Jim Beam!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“What a Stephen King’s latest
blockbuster start to the game. We’ll be Miller Lite right back.”</span></i></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-86197558023610739942018-10-04T15:25:00.000-07:002018-10-08T13:23:42.681-07:00Introvert Beach<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6kCUZpxroBVECvAHuVJo_gdhMF65aZO4OcEdzyF3Kd1M3H_zgpWiK_eXwxMEXbyRP23SJIKNB1sNmsqOFqmTv9MHDFsu6aZODEOssDaAAGjc1lTd0Og5olzJjHpMMUF-MkThuVZ0sccZ/s1600/public_domain_pictures_beach+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="425" data-original-width="640" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6kCUZpxroBVECvAHuVJo_gdhMF65aZO4OcEdzyF3Kd1M3H_zgpWiK_eXwxMEXbyRP23SJIKNB1sNmsqOFqmTv9MHDFsu6aZODEOssDaAAGjc1lTd0Og5olzJjHpMMUF-MkThuVZ0sccZ/s200/public_domain_pictures_beach+%25281%2529.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
an introvert. There, I said it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
a word to all you extroverts: There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
We’re not broken, we don’t need fixed, we don’t need to change, we don’t need
your help to socialize. We don’t WANT to socialize unless we choose to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here’s
the deal. Introverts and extroverts are simply wired differently in the brain.
Being around people fills an extrovert with energy, with an introvert it drains
us of energy. You’re like a Duracell battery and we’re like the Chinese
knockoffs I bought at a flea market once called Durracall that lasted for an
hour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">With
all this in mind here is what I really want to talk about. I was at Bethany
Beach in Delaware a few weeks ago. It’s off season so the beach wasn’t full. I
was able to find a spot to enjoy the ocean but still be an introvert-acceptable
distance away from everyone else. About twenty minutes into my stay I hear
newly arrived people walking behind me. Then I hear the snapping open of beach
chairs. The ffflhhh of blankets being unfurled. All this is happening no more
than twenty feet away from me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Seriously?
You have an entire beach to plop down on and you choose do it closely enough
that I can hear you unwrap the tuna sandwiches you brought along while talking
on your cell phone to Jan back home in Lancaster? I came to listen to the waves
crashing not you describe every millisecond of your vacation to your friend who
hasn’t left the house since 1972.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
am proposing the incorporation of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Introvert
Beach</i>. This stretch of sand will be open only to introverts who will
instinctively know:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How far away to construct their
beach-day kingdom so we don’t interact with each other.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If you’re thinking about getting in the water
but someone else makes their move first, you will know to stay seated until
that person is finished frolicking in the waves.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">There won’t be any forced small talk,
shouting for no reason, or screaming children. The sounds of the waves will
battle only with the sound of book pages turning. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">More than one person will be permitted
to look for sea shells at the same time because heads will be down so there
won’t be any eye-contact.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
aware that the powers-that-be (in other words: extroverts) may fight this
amazing idea because they want everyone to be like them; befouling the air with
jibber-jabber, making phone calls to hear their own voices and gathering
together in large groups for made-up days of meaning. “Hey, Dan finally cut his
toe nails. We’re meeting at the pub after work to celebrate!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Mary
and Dave replaced the water heater in their condo, time to party!” “I’m still
breathing, come to my house for jalapeno poppers and wine!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In
this case, I have an alternate proposal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Before
entering the beach, all extroverts must put on a wrist band that will provide
electrical shocks if they try to put up their tent or umbrella too close to an
introvert. The shocks will continue until you have moved an appropriate
distance away. An extrovert may say hello to an introvert but if they attempt
unwarranted small talk, shocks will continue until they move along. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "new serif" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Hopefully by next summer on the eastern shore introverts will have
their own private beach. Next I’m going to work on a restaurant, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Introvert Bar and Grill</i>. There will be
twenty tables but seating for only 8 at a time.</span></div>
</div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-783604145353411952017-09-28T13:57:00.000-07:002017-09-28T13:57:53.660-07:00Who?<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaiaOOFpM7HCbnfqUp8nk1CJO7x-m2-zUTWzNhyscZFMItuJ7HZssNQh6ynfi9GWLNUKJK3Z_Jcmys5kKwS8r9UWAVdaBgyVvGal5gHR0wbBhycYAbezdWiha9_Fe4D5mrnELMbow5mop/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaiaOOFpM7HCbnfqUp8nk1CJO7x-m2-zUTWzNhyscZFMItuJ7HZssNQh6ynfi9GWLNUKJK3Z_Jcmys5kKwS8r9UWAVdaBgyVvGal5gHR0wbBhycYAbezdWiha9_Fe4D5mrnELMbow5mop/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Jedediah
Bila is Leaving The View” the headline blared on Facebook. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh
no! Someone I’ve never heard of is leaving a show I don’t watch! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
will I do? How will I wake up tomorrow knowing something happened that I don’t
give a shit about? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Will
the Sun still be yellow and send trillions of photons of light hurtling toward
earth at 186,000 miles/sec? Or will there be an enormous grapefruit in the sky
squirting us with gallons of citric acid? Will a year still last for 365 days
or will it feel unending, like watching an episode of Dr. Phil?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Will
dogs still bark or will they now make high-pitched vocalizations that sound
like “glub-glub, cooka-cooka”? What about chickens? Will we as a society still
cook delicious chicken breasts in 2000 different ways or will we suddenly be
eating broasted prairie dog while chickens now sit on school boards and city
councils discussing redistricting or adopting a new history textbook?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
what about the other hosts of The View. Will they be the same insufferable hags
doling out life advice from their ivory towers and pandering with clichéd
interviews of other pompous celebrities? Or will they have changed?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
if, instead of just thinking they shit rose petals, they actually do? And they
demonstrate on air. What if, instead of just believing they’re better than you,
they actually are? What if they’ve grown taller, stronger and with perfect
dental hygiene? What if you asked them a politically charged question and they
answered in a way that satisfied evangelical conservatives, tree-hugging
liberals and hard-line communists at the same time?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now
imagine it changes in the other way. What if they’re worse? What if watching an
episode of The View goes beyond the brain-cell destroying anathema to quality
and intelligence it has always been and becomes a monster so heinous even Maury
Povich shouts “They’ve gone too far!” while hiding in a closet with three of
his unwed mother guests telling them stories about when people respected him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Then
again, none of this will probably happen just because someone I didn’t know
existed has decided not to do a show I didn’t know they were on for reasons I
don’t care about. And it will not change my feelings about The View which is I
would rather you rub my eyes with a Q-tip soaked in ghost pepper hot sauce than
watch that wet pile of elephant dung of a show. With or without the person
whose leaving that I didn’t know was an actual person until yesterday.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-20009920562566731862017-07-17T16:46:00.002-07:002017-07-17T16:46:59.710-07:00Narcissus Goes to Yard Sales<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiEiigtbkpYTydLol1MO4D3kVCeOwbabLcoYsxuaQsHQSO5X-_BSFgRMGsgTsOAhgSVMMRFZf9l8vccwL8F1Dnp8IWOeMCVmzVwZXijcV4cAlwe2JHmnegp_ktLe-06mln2bgywv2Xu0ur/s1600/canstock25182408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="195" data-original-width="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiEiigtbkpYTydLol1MO4D3kVCeOwbabLcoYsxuaQsHQSO5X-_BSFgRMGsgTsOAhgSVMMRFZf9l8vccwL8F1Dnp8IWOeMCVmzVwZXijcV4cAlwe2JHmnegp_ktLe-06mln2bgywv2Xu0ur/s1600/canstock25182408.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Seemingly
on a daily basis I come in contact with a certain kind of person that believes
they are the only person on Earth, so therefore they can do whatever they want.
Their actions have no effect on other people because they are alone on the
planet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I was
at some yard sales this weekend and had another encounter with such a person. I
don’t know this man’s name so I will refer to him as “Asshole” for the
remainder of my tirade. My story begins now:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It
was an ethereal morning. Sunlight beamed down like a stairway to Heaven, birds
sang madrigals of love and prosperity. Lawns were verdant. Men stood hale and
hearty alongside their women whose skin carried the ruby blush of health and
vitality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Having
finished my perusing at one yard sale I was walking to another just up the
street when the ground shook and the sky was choked with black smoke. I turned
just as a goliath pick-up truck passed by. Each wheel taller than a man, made
of rubber the color of night, the tread baring teeth covered in the flesh of
its victims.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
truck was so large it blotted out the sun as it rumbled by. People in the
neighborhood cried out believing the world was ending, the Apocalypse upon us.
I glanced into the cab and saw a family of 6 living in the back seat.
Grandmother was cooking breakfast for the children while mother did laundry and
father mulched a grove of Larch trees planted in the truck bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
next yard sale was set up in the home’s driveway. It turned out that the
Asshole driving the 2017 Ford Overcompensation was going to the same sale. His
tiny penis pulled his behemoth over to the side of the road and instead of
parking next to the house’s yard, Asshole parks directly in front of the
driveway, thus cutting off access to the yard sale from anyone else. To get
there myself I had to put on heavy boots, carve a walking staff and hike around
Asshole’s truck. Thankfully I made it ok, but my Sherpa wasn’t so lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
can’t stand this type of narcissism. There were dozens of people walking the
neighborhood from sale to sale, enjoying a nice summer day, but only one
magnificent Asshole driving his manhood and parking it front and center for all
to see. He might as well have walked pants-less into the middle of the road and
yelled “Hey everybody, look at my dick. Ain’t it purty?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So
be careful. These zombies of self-involvement are everywhere and as far as they’re
concerned, everyone wants to see their junk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-15217616730690566522017-03-13T17:25:00.003-07:002017-03-13T17:25:49.241-07:00Everything is Out to Get Me<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfA-EsflTrCJ85gU2UJsG3P-xiET89DVH6W8f1rXXVtNl_ugmbCipameXSPhp_qcEe_NAeEAP0RjkJZkTwUGWlmVATcj3g23XBNvwSdSMfVG7yTazcwm8OTlixOo8n6puZtsuZF3ziYVou/s1600/593ce35b0515723b6c24cb3442306d64_microwave20clipart-microwave-oven-clipart-free_936-1200.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfA-EsflTrCJ85gU2UJsG3P-xiET89DVH6W8f1rXXVtNl_ugmbCipameXSPhp_qcEe_NAeEAP0RjkJZkTwUGWlmVATcj3g23XBNvwSdSMfVG7yTazcwm8OTlixOo8n6puZtsuZF3ziYVou/s200/593ce35b0515723b6c24cb3442306d64_microwave20clipart-microwave-oven-clipart-free_936-1200.jpeg" width="155" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Kellyanne
Conway said over the weekend that former president Obama spied on Donald Trump
through a microwave. At first this seemed ridiculous and I scoffed with a hearty
“That bitch is crazy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But
I’m re-thinking my position. I’ve taken a hard look at my own microwave and my
suspicions have grown like mold on meat sold out of the back of a pick-up
truck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Why
does the light come on while cooking something? Is that a signal to a passing
satellite? Is the NSA bugging the photons of light to collect data on how I
live? Do they know I dance to Abba in chaps made of Italian cold cuts?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
haven’t used my microwave in days because I no longer trust it. When I open the
door I’m sure I hear voices:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Begin data dump now.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Why is he cooking fish sticks in the
microwave? They come out chewy this way.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Not </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Dancing Queen<i> again.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I also
realized if they’re tapping my microwave then my can opener can’t be safe
either. That whirring sound as the can spins around could contain my bank
account information, my H&R Block password or my secret security questions
into the Captain Jean-Luc Picard Fan Fiction Club, I-95 corridor chapter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
starting to get really paranoid. The light bulb in the living room lamp is
flickering. Is that a signal between the CIA and the DOD? Is NCIS Los Angeles
feeding the contents of my medicine cabinet to NCIS New Orleans (note: the
fungal cream that was prescribed was a misunderstanding)? Does MLB now know I prefer
the NFL and what about my complete disinterest in the NHL and MLS?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
is getting serious. I’m not sleeping, all the lights are off. I was going to
cook something in the oven but I’m sure I saw a satellite dish coming out of
the propane tank outside. The light in the refrigerator snapped my picture as I
reached for a soda and the box of baking soda told me to have water instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
think I’ll go talk to the cat for a while and calm down. Wait, did she always
have those faint stripes in her fur or are those implants installed by an agent
of the shadow government that’s living in my underwear drawer?</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-80299199151218097302017-02-13T16:09:00.001-08:002017-02-13T16:09:25.797-08:00Lost and Found<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s
ok everyone, I found them. They had fallen behind the couch. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil5ZWvXs6UPoIsmqEZKq7AH79zxYJRritBZPbYbJzhkhenmFHzgELzxRDtyXIRZq2sS6QehF45LybQduKcIGMI36ISfj4zlXp7lLBXdk7ClDLneXjZPwC_Exg8ZpG7VVDd1IEl_1zClLir/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil5ZWvXs6UPoIsmqEZKq7AH79zxYJRritBZPbYbJzhkhenmFHzgELzxRDtyXIRZq2sS6QehF45LybQduKcIGMI36ISfj4zlXp7lLBXdk7ClDLneXjZPwC_Exg8ZpG7VVDd1IEl_1zClLir/s200/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
want to thank everyone who had suggestions on where my keys were, although not
to Dan from Sheboygan who said to look up my butt. Very funny Dan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sheila
from Niagara Falls was closest when she guessed they were under my fainting
couch. I got rid of that though once my case of the vapors cleared up with my
program of outdoor activities and pure thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gary
from New Mexico seemed to think a badger ate them. I don’t even have time to start
with you Gary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jenny
from South Dakota, along with 456 others said they didn’t care where my keys
were. Well, that’s really nice. I was just asking for suggestions. I didn’t
expect you to fly to my state, rent a car, drive to my home and physically join
in the search. And if you had, I would have provided a selection of pepper jack
cheeses, cured meats and gift bags filled with hand crafted soaps. So you all
missed out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Roman
from Ocean City Maryland, about your suggestion that I dropped my keys into the
“vast, crude-oil black skin of eternal nothingness that is life on this rotting
planet”, uh . . . maybe you need to get outside more buddy. Get some vitamin D
flowing through your system, have a Snicker’s bar, stop listening to Albert
Camus books-on-tape, miss a meeting or two of the Nietzsche Admiration Society.
Just a few ideas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Stacey
from Washington DC I think you had a typo. I think you meant “re-trace” your
steps but it said “re-brace” your steps so I spent the entire weekend building
a complicated system of cross-arms and footers for my staircase. Looks nice
though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Anyway,
thanks again for helping me find my keys. Now if you have any thoughts on why I
enjoy watching baseball, let me know.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-86108756865658069442016-12-31T07:38:00.000-08:002016-12-31T07:38:34.273-08:00Goodbye 2016<div class="MsoNormal">
So.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5GhavAFzAqElq5KCBy_U4du2RjoqKLK_eu04D0-RtaCKhxsmcyOxMThw7QDtqj3UoCfSwt2cVtKuQ8lL8eh0ozap08sMZHBnp2Uz3tBc2tSdm46tt1_ICF2DhA1W-In28NuhtBUN2fM_/s1600/551334.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="108" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5GhavAFzAqElq5KCBy_U4du2RjoqKLK_eu04D0-RtaCKhxsmcyOxMThw7QDtqj3UoCfSwt2cVtKuQ8lL8eh0ozap08sMZHBnp2Uz3tBc2tSdm46tt1_ICF2DhA1W-In28NuhtBUN2fM_/s200/551334.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2016 is almost over. For the world at large 2016 has been as
Helen Mirren said “a big pile of shit”. Wars continue unabated in many parts of
the world. The United Kingdom has caused an uproar by voting to exit the European
Union. White Nationalists are rising in power in many countries and too many
people don’t seem to care. Oh, and the United States voted an unstable, racist jar
of orange marmalade in as their new president.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then there are the deaths in the entertainment world. Many,
many deaths. An unrelenting torrent from the Grim Reaper taking our music, our
storytellers, our play actors. David Bowie, Prince, George Michael, Glenn Frey,
Paul Kantner, Greg Lake, Keith Emerson, Richard
Adams, Harper Lee, Ken Howard, Doris Roberts, Garry Shandling, Carrie Fisher,
Debbie Reynolds, Garry Marshall, Michel Cimino, Gene Wilder and Alan fucking
Rickman. 2016 took Willy Wonka and Hans Gruber. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And this is only a sampling of those that passed. The real
list is ridiculously long.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t say on a personal level that it’s been too bad of a
year and I hope that’s the case with anyone who reads this. But as a whole I
think we’re all ready to move on. It’s time to say goodbye to 2016.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
2016 . . . goodbye and good riddance, get out, hit the
bricks, take a hike, beat cheeks, make like a tree and leave, skedaddle,
vamoose, be gone, leave my sight and never return, there’s the door, so long,
farewell, smell you later, ciao!, auf wiedersehen, au revoir, Sayonara, adios, jet,
take off, roll, run, split, scoot, make tracks, hit the road, head east, skate,
bounce, take a long walk off a short pier, turn the corner, depart, cut out,
move off, sally forth, set sail, shove off, pack it up, vacate the premises,
take your leave, disembark, make it so, reverse engines, follow the yellow
brick road, toodle loo, let her rip tater chip and last but not least, get the
fuck out!<o:p></o:p></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-16899835745524936442016-12-05T16:42:00.001-08:002016-12-05T16:43:43.514-08:00When Cats take over the World<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig8u0SBpdgpLMBUZ1fSgaOBo4azk5TvuZDcUEK1GOXzV7bL5MXk532R-hexrpyMJ7EFNBjDuvFd8-eqbifPUBSp41VAwGIEhYXSU7SBGfjyBE3b-ylhKFWl0Fj7VSHHSOtoNzfoIyJZMsj/s1600/Oct+2015+045+-+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig8u0SBpdgpLMBUZ1fSgaOBo4azk5TvuZDcUEK1GOXzV7bL5MXk532R-hexrpyMJ7EFNBjDuvFd8-eqbifPUBSp41VAwGIEhYXSU7SBGfjyBE3b-ylhKFWl0Fj7VSHHSOtoNzfoIyJZMsj/s200/Oct+2015+045+-+2.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
cat’s name is Wild Colleen and she’s not much of a talker except at feeding
time and then she repeats “Give me food, give me food, give me food”. My
previous cat’s name was Phantom and he was a chatterbox. Every morning he
wanted to talk about philosophy, why mac and cheese is a better side dish than
cole slaw, how the Clemson Tigers can improve their running game, whatever.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
can imagine my surprise then this morning when Colleen comes in the bathroom
jabbering away. I wasn’t even really awake yet but it had something to do with
the volatility in the world financial markets due to the resignation of the
Italian prime minister, the election of Donald Trump and the UK leaving the
European Union. My response was something like “Huh? I already fed you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
indifference didn’t stop her though. She doesn’t trust the stability of the
dollar, yen or euro and believes we should be going to a Little Friskies based
economy. I thought she was joking and responded with “No you can’t have treats,
you just ate.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
was shocked when she showed me the email she had sent to the International
Monetary Fund and the World Bank with her plan to replace all current currency
with kibble. I spit out my toothpaste when she showed me their response asking
for a detailed power point presentation of her plan including time tables for
implementation, proposed interest rates for loans and would the substitution of
cat nip be okay for some of the poorer countries. Again my response was
inappropriate, “You’re getting fur all over my iPad.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So
now my evening of quiet reflection and Law and Order re-runs is being replaced
with designing charts and tables on how the world economy can function with the
payment of dry cat food for goods and services. Does anyone know how many pieces
of Purina Cat Chow equals 1 ruble? This is going to take forever.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-2865591111432705502016-11-01T16:34:00.001-07:002016-11-01T16:34:31.107-07:00Negative Nancy Runs for Office<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_ObSPQXYzYemig_ZR7xqooIsLjqDpt_O0skhLqrqUal-c4wZIbbsqyktNDWBS4mR1xBeWEvuITrqbhzMeku2L96FPo1xhxGMDaYZq8WokUS-73SMfYJsELPTlxcQejrpRfz7vBbiI39_/s1600/what-to-do-immediately-when-you-re-about-to-lose-your-temper-Mdlynl-clipart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_ObSPQXYzYemig_ZR7xqooIsLjqDpt_O0skhLqrqUal-c4wZIbbsqyktNDWBS4mR1xBeWEvuITrqbhzMeku2L96FPo1xhxGMDaYZq8WokUS-73SMfYJsELPTlxcQejrpRfz7vBbiI39_/s200/what-to-do-immediately-when-you-re-about-to-lose-your-temper-Mdlynl-clipart.jpg" width="199" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">We
only have a week before the national nightmare of this election cycle will be
over. I should be breathing easier. Seven short days and we get at least a few
months before the 2020 cycle begins. And yet I can’t relax. I’m so tired, like
my blood has been replaced by Gummi bears.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
was writing a lot about the candidates during the primaries but I got lost in
the swamp of stupidity and arrogance. It took me a long time to climb my way
back out into the sunlight. And yet the sun isn’t as bright as it should be.
Every day I’m battered by commercials on radio and television about this
candidate or the other one. And it’s not just the presidential race, its state
campaigns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Bill Fenstermacher eats pickles in
bed!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Jane Woebegone makes cat videos in her
attic!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Clancy Chigger voted against new hats
for railroad conductors!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Bill Fenstermacher used to work as a
carnival freak called ‘Billy the Goat Boy’!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Diane Loosescrew wants to tax your toe
nail clippings!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Jane Woebegone shops at Target with
your tax payer money!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Clancy Chigger knows what you need . .
. because he’s a stalker!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Diane Loosescrew has an ingrown nose
hair. She’ll never survive a full term!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">All
day, every day, it’s a bloodbath of negativity splashed across my face. I grab
a towel to wipe it away but it smears like melted chocolate until my whole head
is covered in electoral slime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Larry Bungle sold crystal meth to panda
bears!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Francine Fuss wants to give our jobs to
migrant ornithologists!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Larry Bungle and his brother Harry
share 1 pair of socks!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Francine Fuss feels fairly fine with
festering fish fouling fresh water!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Make
it stop! It sticks to my skin and won’t wash off. All the yelling and name
calling and lies and acting . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Did you know Harold Megawealthyman
bought his position as county lunatic?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Sarah Hatespeople wants to force us all
to love pumpkin spice!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Voter
down! Voter down! I need platforms and policy papers. I need voting records and
plans for strengthening infrastructure. Stop the insults! Stop lying! Stop with
the fear-mongering! Dorothy? Dorothy, where’s Toto? We have to get home! The
flying monkeys are coming, click your heels together!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-67221876835492737512016-10-15T12:49:00.002-07:002016-10-15T12:49:35.965-07:00Chuck Woolery on Line 3<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqzKGAcAq2u5k1aYdItmWlP1czbkTODnMjFwLAyArQ8wOhEiMjlHNP3nEndBAjDbjmxmD4sqx05tRCyUbM9QB-YvhZ6Ic5rJ7W4Tsx9PEavJ_7zrVJ9GVo1fURQt48qnzcUaiwM4AQ9Lw/s1600/antiseptic-cr-me-in-a-tube-foto-search-clip-art-oQUb3O-clipart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqzKGAcAq2u5k1aYdItmWlP1czbkTODnMjFwLAyArQ8wOhEiMjlHNP3nEndBAjDbjmxmD4sqx05tRCyUbM9QB-YvhZ6Ic5rJ7W4Tsx9PEavJ_7zrVJ9GVo1fURQt48qnzcUaiwM4AQ9Lw/s1600/antiseptic-cr-me-in-a-tube-foto-search-clip-art-oQUb3O-clipart.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve
been listening to ESPN radio all day at work so I hear the same commercials
over and over again in between show segments. A new one popped up last week
starring none other than Chuck “I used to be Famous” Woolery. You know you have
a small advertising budget when you’re doing a radio spot, not TV, and the best
voice guy you can afford is a) a game show host and b) hasn’t been popular in
20 years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“We need a recognizable voice for our
commercial. Who can we get?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“An actor?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“No, too expensive.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“A singer?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“They cost more than actors.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“A game show host?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“That’s it. Get me Wink Martindale.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Already tried, he turned us down.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Shit! All right, call Woolery.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“He’s been in the lobby for a week
looking for work.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
product is Australian Dream Back Pain Cream. Not making that up, it’s an actual
product for sale everywhere currency is exchanged for goods. My favorite part
of the commercial is after the Chuckster names the product, his next words are
“It’s real medicine.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
hear that? Those are alarm bells. Those are Klaxons blaring, warning you about
this product. When you see a commercial for cough syrup, medicated powder, Viagra,
cholesterol meds, whatever, at no point do they ever say the words “its real
medicine!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If
you have to tell me that it’s legitimate, you’ve actually told me it’s not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Hi, I’m Dr. Smith and I’ll be doing
your surgery today. These are real surgical instruments!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I’m Mary, your nurse, I’m here to check
your blood pressure. I have a license! I know what I’m doing!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Hello, my name is Roger and I’ll be
doing your taxes. I can count!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“This is Captain Thomas and I’ll be your
pilot today. I know what all these buttons do!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Do
all Australians dream of medicated ointment? Is the manufacturing of unguents a
large part of the Aussie GNP?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Oy, pass me another tube of non-greasy,
anti-fungal, extra strength formula elbow joint cream.”</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">All
these years my picture of Australia was blue water, beautiful women, kangaroos
and Crocodile Dundee. It turns out, their providing employment for washed-up
American emcees and curing our aches and pains with clean, no odor balm with a
capricious rhyming name. They should have gotten Paul Hogan to do the commercial
though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“You call that a tube of arthritis
cream? This is a tube of arthritis cream.”</span></i></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-37321720995690821282016-10-06T16:27:00.000-07:002016-10-06T16:27:57.461-07:00Sarah, Is that You?<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzCMSxJ2vL_8_BUpO_rkMszWNfd2ZJvIZrPkAkQIRHHCh098q3_e9-oap3UaF-7oXMg6VHZrtezpzx9W5gKQ9cqp5FEKORnK2e1RDXEvDWr4XPpQIzI63V13YLlfTJhP_qYdLAcRgnFQ2z/s1600/facebooknotifications_616.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="110" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzCMSxJ2vL_8_BUpO_rkMszWNfd2ZJvIZrPkAkQIRHHCh098q3_e9-oap3UaF-7oXMg6VHZrtezpzx9W5gKQ9cqp5FEKORnK2e1RDXEvDWr4XPpQIzI63V13YLlfTJhP_qYdLAcRgnFQ2z/s200/facebooknotifications_616.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m a big fan of the singer Sarah McLachlan so I
follow her official Facebook page where she posts song links, pictures and
sometimes inspirational quotes. Last evening I found the quote she posted to be
very meaningful so I liked it and then shared it. As I continued perusing FB,
maybe 20 minutes later, I get a notification that I’ve received a friend
request from Sarah McLachlan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hmmm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That’s odd.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Internationally famous singer/songwriter Sarah
McLachlan wants to be friends on FB with me, who, she’s not only never met, but
has never interacted with in her life. Literally doesn’t know I exist. If you
said my name to her she would tilt her head like a dog who wonders why the cat
is eating his food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hmmm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I went to the page and there were 2 pictures of
Sarah, both taken directly from her website or FB fan page. And nothing else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There was no information, no other pictures, no
posts and no friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How stupid does someone think I am? I mean this is
just insulting. I get friend requests all the time from obviously fake FB
accounts but they usually have dozens of “friends”, a couple of pictures, maybe
an innocuous post or two. And most importantly none were ever from someone who
has started their own summer music festival.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I got a request once from a guy in an eastern
European country. The entire page was in his own language and all his “friends”
were eastern European, but he did not have 7 Billboard top 100 songs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Being a man, I used to get a lot of requests from
women in bikinis or lingerie advertising their web sites. But I’ve never gotten
one from a woman who has appeared on David Letterman, the Tonight Show, SNL and
has her own ASPCA commercial.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t know who really sent the friend request or
what their purpose was but I didn’t fall for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now, having said that, if Sarah McLachlan created a
new page just to be friends with me on FB and I rejected the friend request,
then I’m probably out of the fan club.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-40671750966567304932016-09-07T15:51:00.002-07:002016-09-07T15:51:37.535-07:00Bucket List, Schmucket List<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzS-4ewIyLx-TSPDgU-1P8ykhawewvHd4mIcMVoHHT1DEA1mhGfH2GUQ5PZmx6YnbgLrhe-o1g2dbn1szVC4Vv-TnpYIgUaHmZSh0NHYCdQGt7vMtBO0s4hB75jb6cfSju7iKf6A_rQNH/s1600/clipartbest-com-u8Swpl-clipart.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzS-4ewIyLx-TSPDgU-1P8ykhawewvHd4mIcMVoHHT1DEA1mhGfH2GUQ5PZmx6YnbgLrhe-o1g2dbn1szVC4Vv-TnpYIgUaHmZSh0NHYCdQGt7vMtBO0s4hB75jb6cfSju7iKf6A_rQNH/s200/clipartbest-com-u8Swpl-clipart.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Many
people talk about making bucket lists, things they want to do before they die.
Some also refer to it as “living life to its fullest”. The problem is everyone’s
list is kind of the same:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">1. go
skydiving</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">2. run
a marathon</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">3. climb
a mountain</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">4. kill
a drifter with a gardening trowel</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Always
the same. Booooooring. Let’s try and liven those lists up. Here are some
suggestions to make your bucket list original:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">1. wrestle
a badger for a piece of string cheese</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">2. replace
your finger nails with thin slivers of Formica</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">3. eat
only watermelon for a month</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">4. ride
cross country with a long-haul trucker named Spider</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">5. escape
with your life from the cab of an 18-wheeler driven by a man named Spider</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">6. give
testimony against Spider in open court</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">7. weave
baskets from your nose hair</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">8. win
a Pulitzer Prize then denounce your life’s work as derivative and obfuscatory</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">9. fly
first class, sitting in your seat naked and clipping your toenails</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">10. go
into witness protection once Spider is released from his supermax prison</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">11. eat
a T-bone steak covered in potato chips, rutabaga and molasses</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">12. shove
27 nickels in your ears</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">13. take
a photo of your thumb every day for a year and then exhibit the pictures at a
local art gallery</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">14. paint
your entire house red, then have a dinner party and greet your guests with the
phrase “Welcome to hell.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">15. kill
Spider with a Cuisinart blade when he finds you after being released from
prison</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">These
are just a few of the things you can do to make completing your bucket list
worthy of a story on a TV news show or the subject of one of those annoying
internet lists that make you click “next” a thousand times to find out what
that one actor from that TV show you used to watch looks like now only to find
out he isn’t part of the list anyway and that fucking website tricked you into
wasting 26 minutes of your life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now
get out there and have fun!</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-87418887385541749612016-09-05T13:48:00.001-07:002016-09-05T13:48:40.326-07:00A Web of Ridiculousness<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
sharing my porch with a spider. He’s one of those that spin a web at night and
when the sun comes up he’s gone.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc1RJoSE5Ido5ymBiMLWzK7k57znX4I9wriNKhpf39dtMJFd9FZyB-clOrdsAW5pAuZWem9v0hAoAnQJcyOSQ84dzglBCUWYhacOfyxAc87gYNPNhkLmJgNDbLMfuy_7zF-ISzXyfrjF1n/s1600/pattern-spider-web-clipart-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc1RJoSE5Ido5ymBiMLWzK7k57znX4I9wriNKhpf39dtMJFd9FZyB-clOrdsAW5pAuZWem9v0hAoAnQJcyOSQ84dzglBCUWYhacOfyxAc87gYNPNhkLmJgNDbLMfuy_7zF-ISzXyfrjF1n/s200/pattern-spider-web-clipart-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
don’t like spiders. I admit they make me scream like a man with his junk caught
in a bear trap that’s in a shark’s jaw being sat on by the 600 pound ghost of
Haystacks Calhoun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
spider is spinning his web off my porch roof so it’s up high enough that I can
walk by and not get caught in it. The other day though I noticed the web was
getting bigger. A few strands of silk were getting close to head height for me
so we had to have a talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I notice the web is expanding.
We talked about this size issue before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Sorry but me
and the missus just had another brood of kids. I need to catch more food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> How many kids do you have?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> 670 at last
count.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> They don’t live nearby do they?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> God no! I’d
never get any peace if the old lady and the kids were living with me. No, I
have them set up across the street in your neighbor’s drainage spout. The
rent’s a little high but we need the space.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> You pay rent?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Oh yeah. All
the spouting in the area is controlled by the centipede family. Man those
things creep me out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Yeah . . . me too. Anyway,
remember our deal. The web stays high enough that I don’t run into any of it
and end up dancing around the yard like a loon trying to get it off of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Right, right.
I’m trying to only widen it but I had to spin a support beam down farther.
There’s still clearance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> It’s close though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I’ll watch it.
By the way, my wife really likes the way your living room is decorated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> How . . . how would she know . .
. ?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> The window! She
looked through the window!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Is she in my living room right
now?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No, no! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Ahhhh!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Spider:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Margaret! Run!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh
yeah, that web is coming down soon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-11123709117855917742016-08-31T15:54:00.000-07:002016-08-31T15:55:09.853-07:00Suppertime Shenanigans<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyfoUjzUWmuG614LFFFrzRqx2OJdtHn81G_VCJmExK0kX-qSK8m0TP9DQMFaye9W6_RRbuWBxUUKHkvsySDqgYXVn7nMUpiMJJ7KoDVn9NjuslLbWUDfJ4Favdd_TK3_j2qSMYBiOm6qiL/s1600/salmon-clipart-grilled_salmon_CoolClips_food0786.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyfoUjzUWmuG614LFFFrzRqx2OJdtHn81G_VCJmExK0kX-qSK8m0TP9DQMFaye9W6_RRbuWBxUUKHkvsySDqgYXVn7nMUpiMJJ7KoDVn9NjuslLbWUDfJ4Favdd_TK3_j2qSMYBiOm6qiL/s200/salmon-clipart-grilled_salmon_CoolClips_food0786.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif";">I bought
some salmon steaks at the grocery store last week. I like salmon a lot but
rarely buy it because it’s expensive and I’m cheap; a combination that’s like
matter and anti-matter or David Hasselhoff and music.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">While
at work yesterday I decided to make one of the filets for supper so I got on my
ipad and searched for a recipe. I found one that sounded good and was simple,
saved the page and went back to work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
I got home before I could make supper I had to do dishes. They were everywhere;
in the sink, on the stove, on the counter. It looked like one of my weekly
recreations of Mel’s Diner from the old TV show <i>Alice</i> where I dress the cat up like Flo and try to get her to meow
so it sounds like “Kiss my grits”. The scratches on my face and neck indicate
she doesn’t enjoy this diversion as much as I do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">With
a clean kitchen I thawed out one of my salmon filets and then pulled up the web
page with the recipe on. I received this message:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Woops! This page is down for maintenance<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What?
The one recipe I chose out of dozens, just a few hours ago, and now I can’t get
to the page?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
cat laughed at me. The salmon steak chuckled. David Hasselhoff guffawed from
his throne made of money in his mansion made of German gold records.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So
I had to search for another recipe. The first one required me to wrestle my
fresh salmon from the claws of a bear . . . so . . . let’s skip that one. Hmm,
this one asks for 33 different spices including oil of sausage casings and
shavings from a roasted persimmon. Nah. Oh, here’s a good one. Wait, step 3 is
a sacrifice to Molech.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
gave up and dug out some recipes I keep in a folder on a bookshelf. There I
found a quick, easy marinade. I mixed it up, marinated the salmon and then grilled
it. Delicious. David Hasselhoff called to ask for a bite. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Of
course, now my sink has dishes in it again. Time for another re-enactment. Here
kitty, kitty</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-50779194015371006332016-06-06T16:34:00.001-07:002016-06-06T16:34:27.810-07:00TP for the Q of E<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTCoKXoZMANdEl5CSaaC3Uabr8pjGFBVs0h8sUBYqY_YzE1ZnSpL0RFsXzCHdm6Rb_a891gFB6A3r1gKKYSw7COYS42hOkjUPOZu2clBO5OZFo7KlS49AL-lZABIEWXT3o8NZUGjETbPVV/s1600/crown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTCoKXoZMANdEl5CSaaC3Uabr8pjGFBVs0h8sUBYqY_YzE1ZnSpL0RFsXzCHdm6Rb_a891gFB6A3r1gKKYSw7COYS42hOkjUPOZu2clBO5OZFo7KlS49AL-lZABIEWXT3o8NZUGjETbPVV/s200/crown.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">After a
bike ride on the trail the other day I used a port-a-potty at the edge of the
parking lot. There were two identical plastic enclosures on the wall. One held
toilet paper, the other you couldn’t see what was inside and it had a padlock
on it with a message “Do Not Remove”. Made me wonder what exactly was in the
plastic case. Is this where they keep the “good” toilet paper? You know, like
when you were a kid and Mom always had the “good” china and silverware you only
used on Thanksgiving and Christmas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Imagine
the Queen of <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">England</st1:place></st1:country-region>
visiting our area and during a tour of the local farmland and hoi polloi,
nature calls to her. She stops in at the trail station and one of her retinue
announces<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">“The Queen
requires to drop a deuce. Please issue your finest papier toilette.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Some
maintenance man named Butch with a six day growth of beard and wearing a
t-shirt stained with wing sauce steps forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">“Uh,
yessir. Give me, uh, one minute.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Butch
pulls a flap of skin away from his left ear and slips out a small key made of
cut crystal. He steps into the port-a-potty, opens the padlock and lifts out a
roll of 34-ply toilet paper flecked with specks of gold. He sits the roll on a
shelf. It begins playing a Debussy piano concerto. The tube inside, made of
wood taken from the limb of a 1000 year old tree in the Schwarzwald of Baden-Wurttemberg,
sprays the area with jasmine scented mist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Also in
the container is a hermetically sealed jar containing butterflies, the laughter
of small children and light captured from supernova SN 1006<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>.
Butch removes the lid and the portable bathroom becomes incandescent and
pastoral. A privy fit for royalty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Then
again, the plastic box might just contain some back-up rolls of Joe’s 1-Ply
Shitter Paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-18424106279909922512016-05-24T16:47:00.000-07:002016-05-24T16:47:48.923-07:00Why am I Surrounded by Idiots?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj97mQlQ2Na0BW6ZrrRVR3GS7SRCvOh37_CNFvF-FurgV5LcW9RaIcf7i4nKj2tybt_ZDFVElhaJ8tSxmzAsn4QWDkRqkUodHX2PeOgzWAInkhXTZZDg-ir4u02KBp8hX5dEydfNFKqhj7/s1600/duh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj97mQlQ2Na0BW6ZrrRVR3GS7SRCvOh37_CNFvF-FurgV5LcW9RaIcf7i4nKj2tybt_ZDFVElhaJ8tSxmzAsn4QWDkRqkUodHX2PeOgzWAInkhXTZZDg-ir4u02KBp8hX5dEydfNFKqhj7/s1600/duh.jpg" /></a><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Case #1</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I had
gone to a Royal Farms store in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Ocean
City</st1:city> <st1:state w:st="on">Maryland</st1:state></st1:place> to pick
up an out of state newspaper, <i>Fruit
Stripe</i> gum and bailing twine. I also thumbed through the latest issue of “Independently
Wealthy Long-Legged Nordic Women Looking for Older Men: Eastern Shore Edition”
but decided not to spend the money. When I left I needed to walk across the
parking lot to get to my SUV. There was a pick-up truck parked next to me with
his headlights on and motor running, but he hadn’t moved yet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I had a
feeling he was going to pull out at any moment because he was holding up a sign
that read “I’m going to pull out at any moment!” <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>I hesitated.
He still didn’t move so I began walking toward my vehicle. He waits until I’m
in the middle of the lot before driving forward and cutting in front of me,
almost running me over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Case #2</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I
stopped at a yard sale last Friday. The house was at the side of a busy road
but the shoulder was wide enough to set up a traveling carnival on. I checked
out the yard sale, then played a few games of Pop-a-Shot, rode the <st1:place w:st="on">Himalaya</st1:place> and ate some cotton candy. When I was done I got
back in my SUV.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I started
the engine but didn’t pull away because I was inputting an address into my GPS.
A woman in a mini-van pulls in front of me. She proceeds to pull forward, back
up, pull forward, back up, pull forward, back up, pull forward, back up . . .
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PARK THE DAMN VAN! When she is finally parked, she has
backed up so close to my vehicle that now I have to <i>back up</i> to pull out into traffic. Then when I pull out, she chooses
that precise moment to fling her door open so I almost clip her van door off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Case #3 </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I went to
a local supermarket which I won’t name. I’ll just say the name sounds like “wise”
but is spelled Weis. I needed taco shells, maple syrup and more bailing twine.
After finding my items I walked to the check-out lines. There were three
registers with lights on but no one there to ring me up. I discovered why when
I saw a gaggle (is “gaggle” correct, or is it a “pack”, a “shitpile” or perhaps
an “annoyance” of cashiers?) of cashiers standing around talking. I stood still
for a moment. One of them caught sight of me and looked up. She had a puzzled
expression on her face. “Why is there someone with merchandise in their hands
standing at my register? Do I have gum in my mouth or am I chewing on my
tongue? Huh, I just got hit by a box of taco shells.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">She
eventually turned back to the conversation with her co-workers that I’m hoping
was about when they thought they would be fired for being incompetent. I had
the twine wrapped around my fists ready to choke all three of them, but instead
I went to the only line with someone working and sighed heavily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Why am I
surrounded by idiots?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-1174853120199430632016-05-02T14:28:00.002-07:002016-05-02T14:28:15.741-07:00Who You Got?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGg1nGnIOt5o2ZJjoDlP_u92Hp2GyQqsGS_JiYPg8wUJNh1Ld05DHN5fHqTLUasP-ANY0F1ZvhrBAv2KB5zm5bMQ0YlVRhqIQePX3PwIvtLejT99g95AntCBo5yXikAvqPar5Ln7ATR4c7/s1600/question.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGg1nGnIOt5o2ZJjoDlP_u92Hp2GyQqsGS_JiYPg8wUJNh1Ld05DHN5fHqTLUasP-ANY0F1ZvhrBAv2KB5zm5bMQ0YlVRhqIQePX3PwIvtLejT99g95AntCBo5yXikAvqPar5Ln7ATR4c7/s200/question.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Donald
Trump, a cross between a russet potato and a Clementine, seems to be the likely
republican candidate for president. Ted “Haters Gonna Hate” Cruz and John
“Someone please vote for me” Kasich are still hanging around, even conspiring
to form an unholy alliance predicted by Nostradamus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">On the
democratic side Hillary Clinton, playing the woman card by being an actual
woman, is inching closer to her party’s nomination with big wins in <st1:state w:st="on">Pennsylvania</st1:state>, <st1:state w:st="on">Delaware</st1:state>
and <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Maryland</st1:place></st1:state>
last Tuesday. Bernie Sanders and his dream of “Crazy Bernie’s Discount <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region>:
everything must go and it’s FREE!” is still alive, but is taking on water like
a fishing boat in a storm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In the
middle of all this are the American people: Divided, angry, and disorganized.
“Who do we vote for?” we ask ourselves. Should we vote for the most heinous man
walking the planet or Donald Trump? John Kasich? Nah, no one’s asking that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Maybe we
should vote for the first female president in American history? How about the
first president that sounds like Larry David? (I don’t think the founding
fathers saw that one coming)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In November
2016 we will vote for <i>someone.</i> When
it’s all over some Americans will be happy, some will be disappointed. Many
will shrug their shoulders and mumble into their Fruit Loops. Others will still
be watching the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">USA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
network marathon of <i>NCIS</i> and will
have forgotten to vote.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In January
of 2017 a new president will be sworn in. It may be a woman, it may be a man, or
it may be whatever Ted Cruz is. One thing is certain: whoever we elect is well
and truly fucked.</span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889923796314038297.post-47175051768791437852016-03-28T14:31:00.002-07:002016-04-07T03:06:32.093-07:00This is Where We Are<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipt5zenKVqamjd7AV3h7GFYxZei7k556gIroPHN-FGn14X5ghZ3jNQLmS4R6qXpbU2m3cqoM9ejKFpbMAKPAPc5zyMWopFQWKofT8r7VTZkNWiatcoKQQAcgiNWa5jHJE4LhyEqVHGmMI6/s1600/chaos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipt5zenKVqamjd7AV3h7GFYxZei7k556gIroPHN-FGn14X5ghZ3jNQLmS4R6qXpbU2m3cqoM9ejKFpbMAKPAPc5zyMWopFQWKofT8r7VTZkNWiatcoKQQAcgiNWa5jHJE4LhyEqVHGmMI6/s200/chaos.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">What to
make of this election cycle. Casaba melon in a bad toupee Donald Trump is still
the Republican front runner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Reptilian
car salesman Ted Cruz is in second, staying just close enough to give people a
reason to concoct Machiavellian scenarios to blow up the Republican convention.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">John
Kasich is also still participating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">On the
Democratic side Hillary’s pant suits have gained sentience and are actually
campaigning for her in various states. A sky blue ensemble did an interview on
CNN the other day. Don Lemon was 45 minutes into it before he realized he was
talking to a JC Penney summer special.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Everyone’s
grandpa who gives out ribbon candy at Halloween, Bernie Sanders, continues his
turns so far left NASCAR drivers won’t follow him. He spouts his goals with
belief and vehemence but gives little information on how he’s going to
accomplish them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">What does
it all mean?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">On the
Democratic side, Hillary is the insider front-runner with shady dealings in her
past, a machine behind her pushing her forward and the only candidate with both
domestic <i>and</i> foreign policy
experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Bernie has
ideas that sound wonderful: <i>free college
tuition, free healthcare</i>, etc. The only way to pay for it all is tax
increases. So Bernie wants to tax the rich, but the rich don’t like to be
taxed. That’s how they stay rich. Also many policy experts say his ideas won’t
bring in enough revenue to cover his plans.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Backers of
both candidates, instead of coming together, are sniping at one another. Bernie
supporters are saying if Hillary wins the nomination they won’t vote for her.
The American voter: an infant who lost their lolly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">As for the
Republicans, Donald Trump is a hateful, bigoted, grand-standing egomaniac whose
election to president could destroy the country. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Ted Cruz
may be even worse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Republican
voters don’t know what to do. The racist wing of the party is good with Trump
and all of his horseshit because it matches their own horseshit world view. The
Evangelical wing of the party is leaning to Cruz even though they feel he may
be the Devil incarnate. There are indications the convention could be a
madhouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">With all
these candidates’ limitations and foibles, with the electorate dissatisfied,
disenchanted and drained from a process that is too long, with the primary
season in chaos, could John Kasich become president? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">No.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ragnarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15491966501363472508noreply@blogger.com0