Here is my
completely fabricated, and yet still more factual than Fox News, interview with
a random member of the GOP.
CO: Tell me about the Affordable Care Act.
Random GOP member of congress: It’s a screed writ by
the devil himself. End times prophecy it is, worse than a beast with 3 heads or
a female goat who lactates sulphuric acid.
CO: That’s a little much don’t you think?
Random GOP member of congress: No! That document was
produced in a dark room by fingerless thugs who printed it with iron nails dipped
in raccoon blood on a parchment of stretched whale blubber! It’s evil!
CO: It’s the law.
Random GOP member of congress: Unconstitutional!
CO: Not according to the Supreme Court.
Random GOP member of congress: Damn it!
CO: Honestly, what is so bad about the Affordable
Care Act?
Random GOP member of congress: It’s Obamacare.
CO: The name is the Affordable Care Act.
Random GOP member of congress: Obamacare!
CO: Affordable Care Act.
Random GOP member of congress: Obitsacod!
CO: Affordable Care Act.
Random GOP member of congress: Obungeecord!
CO: Affordable Care . . . wait, what?
CO: Affordable Care Act.
Random GOP member of congress: Obungeecord!
CO: Affordable Care . . . wait, what?
Random
GOP member of congress: Osamabincrap!
CO: Sir, your speaking gibberish.
Random GOP member of congress: I’m confusing you with my GOP mind tricks.
CO: I’m not confused; you’re definitely spouting nonsense instead of answering my question.
Random GOP member of congress: I am not the droid you seek.
CO: Sir, stop it.
Random GOP member of congress: Fine. The “Affordable Care Act”, or, Obamacare, puts too much financial burden on small businesses and forces people to buy insurance they may not be able to afford.
CO: Fair points, so what’s your solution?
Random GOP member of congress: We don’t have one.
CO: So why not try this plan out and see what happens? Neither republican nor democrat actually knows whether this will work. You can’t know until you let it go into effect and work through the problems.
Random GOP member of congress: I can’t get re-elected on thinking like that. Loud foofarawing and fear mongering, that’s how you get elected in the GOP.
CO: Final thought?
Random GOP member of congress: It’s the work of the many-horned beast! Obamacare is worse than Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot rolled together in a terrible excrement stew! Repeal! Defund! Treason! 9/11! Buzzwords! Talking points! Complete and utter bullshit!
CO: Sir, your speaking gibberish.
Random GOP member of congress: I’m confusing you with my GOP mind tricks.
CO: I’m not confused; you’re definitely spouting nonsense instead of answering my question.
Random GOP member of congress: I am not the droid you seek.
CO: Sir, stop it.
Random GOP member of congress: Fine. The “Affordable Care Act”, or, Obamacare, puts too much financial burden on small businesses and forces people to buy insurance they may not be able to afford.
CO: Fair points, so what’s your solution?
Random GOP member of congress: We don’t have one.
CO: So why not try this plan out and see what happens? Neither republican nor democrat actually knows whether this will work. You can’t know until you let it go into effect and work through the problems.
Random GOP member of congress: I can’t get re-elected on thinking like that. Loud foofarawing and fear mongering, that’s how you get elected in the GOP.
CO: Final thought?
Random GOP member of congress: It’s the work of the many-horned beast! Obamacare is worse than Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot rolled together in a terrible excrement stew! Repeal! Defund! Treason! 9/11! Buzzwords! Talking points! Complete and utter bullshit!
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