Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Adventures of Johnny Douche

I was following a car yesterday with the license plate “Po’ Johnny”. Seemed like an odd personalization until I looked at the car: rag top Mercedes sports car. “Oh”, I said out loud to myself. “I get it. You’re a dick.” I can see him now with his friends. “I just got this baby for $60,000. And look at my new license plate: Po’ Johnny. Damn I’m funny.” He’s perfect for the new sitcom I’m developing for Fox called “Johnny Douche”.

Johnny Douche
Johnny Douche
Treats everyone like their a fool
Johnny Douche
Johnny Douche
He’s the world’s biggest tool
He white
He’s rich
He’s a greasy, entitled
Son of a bitch
Look out world, it’s Johnny D

This week’s episode: Johnny goes on a Date

Johnny: What do you think of my car?
Laura: It’s nice.
Johnny: Damn right it’s nice. I laid down 60g for it.
Laura: Oh, ok.
Johnny: Where would you like to eat tonight?
Laura: I really like . . .
Johnny: That’s ok, I made reservations at The Amberwine Inn. They know me there.
Laura: Ok, sure.
Johnny: You seem upset.
Laura: Well, you . . .
Johnny: Why are chicks like that anyway? Why can’t you relax, you know what I mean?
Laura: Look . . .
Johnny: Oh wait, my phone’s ringing. This is a prototype a buddy of mine built. Gonna be bigger than the iPhone. I’m going to make a fortune.
Laura: Good for you.
Johnny: Damn right good for me. Hey Chuck, you got Johnny D, what’s up? Right now? I’m driving to dinner. Uh huh. Really?
Laura: Can you just let me out at the corner?
Johnny: Hang on sweetheart, Johnny’s on the phone.
Laura: No, really, I want out.
Johnny: Anxious, huh? Johnny likes that in a woman. Why don’t we just skip dinner?
Laura: If you just slow down I’ll drop and roll.
Johnny: “Drop and roll”? Is that some kinky sexual position? I thought I knew them all.
Laura: I’m going to throw up.
Johnny: Whoa, not on the new leather seats sweetheart.
Laura: Don’t bother stopping, I’ll be fine.
(Laura opens the car door and leaps out)
Johnny: Hey, where are you going? Oh well. Hey Chuck, you want a ride in my new car? Yeah, it cost me 60g. And you need to see the license plate.

Johnny goes on vacation, next week on Fox!

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