The Adventures of Johnny Douche

I was following a car yesterday with the license plate “Po’ Johnny”. Seemed like an odd personalization until I looked at the car: rag top Mercedes sports car. “Oh”, I said out loud to myself. “I get it. You’re a dick.” I can see him now with his friends. “I just got this baby for $60,000. And look at my new license plate: Po’ Johnny. Damn I’m funny.” He’s perfect for the new sitcom I’m developing for Fox called “Johnny Douche”.

Johnny Douche

Johnny Douche

Treats everyone like their a fool

Johnny Douche

Johnny Douche

He’s the world’s biggest tool

He white

He’s rich

He’s a greasy, entitled

Son of a bitch

Look out world, it’s Johnny D

This week’s episode: Johnny goes on a Date

Johnny: What do you think of my car?

Laura: It’s nice.

Johnny: Damn right it’s nice. I laid down 60g for it.

Laura: Oh, ok.

Johnny: Where would you like to eat tonight?

Laura: I really like . . .

Johnny: That’s ok, I made reservations at The Amberwine Inn. They know me there.

Laura: Ok, sure.

Johnny: You seem upset.

Laura: Well, you . . .

Johnny: Why are chicks like that anyway? Why can’t you relax, you know what I mean?

Laura: Look . . .

Johnny: Oh wait, my phone’s ringing. This is a prototype a buddy of mine built. Gonna be bigger than the iPhone. I’m going to make a fortune.

Laura: Good for you.

Johnny: Damn right good for me. Hey Chuck, you got Johnny D, what’s up? Right now? I’m driving to dinner. Uh huh. Really?

Laura: Can you just let me out at the corner?

Johnny: Hang on sweetheart, Johnny’s on the phone.

Laura: No, really, I want out.

Johnny: Anxious, huh? Johnny likes that in a woman. Why don’t we just skip dinner?

Laura: If you just slow down I’ll drop and roll.

Johnny: “Drop and roll”? Is that some kinky sexual position? I thought I knew them all.

Laura: I’m going to throw up.

Johnny: Whoa, not on the new leather seats sweetheart.

Laura: Don’t bother stopping, I’ll be fine.

(Laura opens the car door and leaps out)

Johnny: Hey, where are you going? Oh well. Hey Chuck, you want a ride in my new car? Yeah, it cost me 60g. And you need to see the license plate.

Johnny goes on vacation, next week on Fox!