Usually when I have a story from my life I exaggerate the hell out of it for humor’s sake. Today I have an absolutely true Christmas tale that needs no hyperbole. I’ve been having trouble with mice getting into my trailer this winter. I plugged a hole under my sink and re-covered a spot in the living room where they were getting in. I’ve also been feeding them poison which they’re eating like candy. Still I hadn’t seen or heard one in about two weeks. Then it was Christmas.
2:30 a.m. Christmas morning I was awoken by a strange noise, like scratching and bumping around the wall behind my bed. It happened enough that I finally got out of bed and turned on the lights. I got a flashlight, shining it behind my nightstand and that’s when I saw it. Walking near my power strip was a brown field mouse dragging a piece of Dove chocolate. You may ask, “How could you possibly know it was Dove chocolate?” The answer is I could read the word “Dove” across the top of the square.
My first thought was “Am I still asleep. Is this a dream?” It was after all 2:30 a.m. But I quickly realized I had actually seen a mouse dragging a piece of chocolate. My next thought was “Where did it get a piece of chocolate from?” Suddenly it hit me. I ran down the hallway to my living room. My wrapped gifts were under my Christmas tree and there was the evidence.
My brother loves dark chocolate so I had taped a piece to each of his packages. The mouse had chewed away the foil from the piece of Dove chocolate and dragged it back the hallway into my bedroom. By the time I went back I couldn’t find him again so I figured he must have left the same way he got in. At 4:30 a.m. I finally went back to bed Christmas morning.
When I got up a few hours later I found that the mouse had nibbled at all the pieces of chocolate so it all had to be thrown away. He had also crapped on two of the packages so I had to re-wrap them.
Later in the day my brother came up to my place and we found a spot of the floor that had collapsed causing a hole between the foundation and the wall. We did a little MacGyver work, filling in the hole with garden rocks, shoring up the baseboard with a few pieces of fake wood my brother had in the trunk of his car and then covering it with a piece of left over tile from when I re-did my bathroom a few years ago.
That is my Christmas tale. If anyone from Disney or Pixar is reading this and wants to make a blockbuster movie from my story call, email, text, send a postcard, send up a smoke signal, carrier pigeon, a hand written letter on tasteful stationary, whatever. Let’s make a movie!