House Mouse

I have a mouse. And I don’t mean a “pet” mouse, I mean a fat brown vermin who has decided it’s too cold outside and he wants to live indoors. My first discovery of my new friend was Sunday morning. Watching TV I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. A few minutes later he popped his head out from under the TV stand, flipped a tiny mouse finger at me and was gone again.

I don’t have anything against mice as long as they stay outside. This one took up residence without even asking or chipping in for rent. I tried to play nice. I drew up an agreement splitting household chores and the bills, but he refused to sign. He hired some lawyer from the back of the phone book who’s trying to sue me saying that the mouse’s family lived here before I moved in so I’m actually the squatter. He claims his great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather is the original tenant, having dug a nest under my home years ago.

So now I’m due in court in a few weeks to defend my territory. Who knew mice could be so litigious? The whole thing may be settled long before the first word of testimony though. I set out some poison and he ate the entire box. Greedy bastard.