Mustainica

In case you don’t know who Dave Mustaine is: guitar player and one of the founding members of Metallica. The band’s nickname in the early days was Alcoholica because of how much they drank. They kicked Dave out of the band for drinking too much. Let that sink into your brain for a minute while you drain your second glass of Chardonnay of the night. Dave then formed his own band Megadeth and they have been one of the most successful metal bands around for about 25 years. Dave also graduated, by his own admission, to abuse of every conceivable drug that can be bought, stolen or manufactured in a storage shed by men with no teeth and gray skin. After 13 trips to rehab Dave was finally clean. Good for him and I mean that. But now I’m wondering about the deleterious effects those drugs had on Dave’s brain.

A few days ago in Singapore, Dave said that President Obama staged the shootings in Colorado and Wisconsin just so he could impose a ban on guns in the United States. Yesterday on Facebook I saw Joe Lynn Turner post that Dave was speaking the truth and he offered him congratulations. Oh, Joe Lynn Turner was the singer for the band Rainbow back in the 80s. I’m guessing even less people know who he is than know who Dave Mustaine is so I’m assuming his post was mostly a grab for attention. Well done Joe Lynn, now off you go, back into exile. No, your Facebook privileges have been revoked for a week, you can’t play Bejeweled Blitz.

So, let me get this straight: the shooting at the theater in Colorado and the shooting at the Sikh temple in Wisconsin weren’t just random events. Obama, in his down time between dealing with a bad economy and a presidential election coming in November, hand-picked a whacko and said “I have a job for you”? Then he sent his new slice-of-bread-short-of-a-sandwich henchman out to murder people with assault weapons so he could make a new push to ban them.

The thing about these kinds of conspiracies is the sheer number of people who would have to be involved and keep their mouths shut. The president can’t take a dump without a hundred people knowing about it so how would he stage two mass murders without the following being in on it: secret service, NSA, CIA, FBI? Now consider that you’re hinging your entire plan on an unbalanced person. If they carry through with the attack what’s to keep them from shouting to the world that “President Obama hired me to do this! He paid me in Snickers bars and expired coupons!” Ok, everyone will just say “he’s crazy” and move on, but once he opens his mouth, the idea is in your head.

I’m not buying it. Much like the people who want to believe we never landed on the moon, the whole idea breaks down under the weight of the number of people that would know the truth and would have to not talk about it. You can’t tell your best friend that you were once a woman and swear them to secrecy without them spilling the news to someone the next day and suddenly your neighbor is calling you “Betty”. It’s human nature to gossip. The president is not going to be able to perpetrate mass murder and not have someone screaming about it.

Dave wants his theory investigated. Well Dave, I’m quite sure there will be an investigation. Get ready for the federal government to climb up into your ass and camp out there for a while. Those tent pegs are going to hurt going in.