Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Silver and Gold, Politicians and Insanity

Just when you think our politicians can’t be any more ignorant they grab a diamond-tipped shovel (paid for by our tax dollars) and furiously dig down to a new layer of stupidity. This new stratum, which paleontologists are calling the Dumbasstocene era, is where we find Georgia state legislator Bobby Franklin. He has proposed that all Georgia state taxes be paid only in gold or silver coins:

Pre-1965 silver coins, silver eagles, and gold eagles shall be the exclusive medium which the state shall use to make any payments whatsoever to any person or entity, whether private or governmental. Such coins shall be the exclusive medium which the state shall accept from any person or entity as payment of any obligation to the state including, without limitation, the payment of taxes; provided, however, that such coins and other forms of currency may be used in all other transactions within the state upon mutual consent of the parties of any such transaction.

Franklin’s argument is taken from the U.S Constitution, which has its words scrutinized by these whackjobs the way the paparazzi follow every move of Lindsay Lohan: no state shall "make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts.

I want in on this so I am proposing my own payment plans for specific kinds of debts:

All sports bets shall be paid off in Nutter Butters.

The only currency accepted on the World Poker Tour shall be Topps baseball cards (no doubles).

Sales tax will be paid in sarcasm. Irony will not be accepted.

Capital gains will be made in the form of a tune sung in two-part harmony and written by the songwriter of the investor’s choice.

Payments for gasoline shall be rendered in post-it notes with dollar signs drawn on and the words “Legal Tender in the United States of Larry”.

Remuneration for jury duty will be your choice of chocolate, wine or illegal pharmaceuticals.

From this point forward doctor and hospital bills will be paid in hats, caps, fedoras, chapeaus and the occasional fez.

Restaurant tips can be given on the sliding scale of Chicken-in-a-Biskit, Ritz crackers, oyster crackers and unsalted saltines.

I don’t think any of this is constitutional but it makes as much sense as the garbage proposed by our elected officials.

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