Healthcare! the Musical

President Barack Obama walks out to center stage, enters a single spotlight and sings

(sung to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)

I am President O-ba-ma
I want health care for everyone
we have a bill that is 2000 pages long
it’s not perfect but it’s very strong
I am President O-ba-ma
I want healthcare for everyone

the spotlight moves stage right to a group of Republican leaders

(sung to the tune of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas)

We’ll never
allow this to happen
we’ll lie and cheat and stall
we’ll make up stories about death panels
we’ll get Glen, Rush and Sean on the call
we’ll win
and let the democrats take the fall

the spotlight moves down to the floor to a group of uninsured Americans

(sung to the tune of Over the Rainbow)

Somewhere out in the world
people have health care
it’s not me or anyone I know
this old world just isn’t fair

the spotlight moves stage left to a group of democratic leaders

(sung to the tune of Another One Bites the Dust)

We wrote a bad bill, we know it
but we’re gonna to push it through
we’re doing it fast, not getting it right
gonna blow a lot of dough
are you ready, are you ready to pay
can you tell we don’t have a clue?
we’re the United States congress
we’re all smarter than you

we are filibuster proof
we have 60 votes
and another repub gone, and another repub gone
we have the votes we need
hey, we’re gonna jam it through
this bill’s all we’ve got

a harp trills in the background as the spotlight follows a newsie holding up a newspaper

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! House and Senate pass health care reform bill! President Obama vows to sign the hell out of it!

the spotlight moves stage right back to the republicans

(sung to the tune of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot)

It’s over
we lost the battle
but we won’t give up on the war
it’s over
the vote is there’s
we just have to lie and cheat some more

the spotlight goes back to shine on President Obama

(sung to the tune of the chorus of We Are the Champions)

I am the champion . . . my friends
and I got what I wanted in the end
I am the champion
I am the champion
no time for detractors
cause I am the champion . . . of health care reform!

the stage lights come up