Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sarah Palin: Going Stupid

Sarah Palin’s autobiography Going Rogue has just been released. What a title, because she’s a maverick, a pioneer, an iconoclast. And why is that? Well let’s face it; normally someone this stupid would try to stay out of the limelight, to not draw attention to their idiocy. But what did Sarah “Rogue” Palin do instead? She ran for governor of Alaska. I won’t cast aspersions on the people of Alaska. When I wonder why they voted for Sarah Palin I have to believe they were under the influence of a mass delusion and they thought they were voting for a valid candidate or perhaps a polar bear. Only when they woke up from their reverie did they realize what they had wrought.

Here’s where our story takes a sharp left turn, a rogue turn, if you will. Sarah’s Circus of Stupidity would have remained in Alaska, a gentle, warming sense of amusement on those below 0 nights if it hadn’t been for John McCain. Or as he became known during the 2008 election campaign, John “Dear God I will do anything if you just let me be president” McCain.

John, in his infinite wisdom, asked Sarah to be his vice president. Most people, who knew their brains weren’t firing on all neurons, would have said no. But you know our Sarah, she’s a dope. I mean rogue. What does she do? She says yes, John, I will be your vice president. I will do interviews in which I say nothing but “you betcha” and “Bill Ayers” over and over again. I’ll say things in a homespun, folksy way meant to endear me to people but instead come off sounding like Granny catching a possum down at the ce-ment pond. I’ll go into a debate so unprepared that somewhere a chimpanzee watching the event will be heard to mutter, “You gotta be kidding me. This is a joke right?”

The gauzy haze of the Bush years was finally lifted and the American people rejected the bumbling please-let-me-win desperation of McCain/Palin and elected Barack Obama president. We thought we had seen and heard the last of Sarah Palin. But instead of staying in the wilds of Alaska and leaving us alone, she quits as governor, writes her memoir and becomes a nuisance by spreading herself all over the TV and newspapers like a stomach virus.

Our long, national nightmare continues . . .

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