Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Partycrashers

Boise State, TCU, Cincinnati: Thank you for your college football seasons thus far. We appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into creating such exciting and fun-to-watch teams and can imagine the thrill it must be to be undefeated this late in the season. We wanted to say thank you . . . and you shouldn’t have bothered because you’re not getting into the national title game.

Even if you win out and end up undefeated for the whole season we are not letting you in the club. Why? You’re not in the SEC or Big 12 of course. Those are the only two conferences that have any relevance. At least that’s the consensus of the talking heads on ESPN, Fox, CBS, ABC, blah, blah, blah, blah.

We realize that you’ve worked just as hard as any other Division I school with the coach spending months recruiting the best players available, the tough two-a-day summer practices, the game planning, dealing with injuries, etc. Yes, you’ve done all these things, but you haven’t done them in the SEC or Big 12, so it’s a moot point.

Oh, and don’t feel like you’re being singled out. We don’t care about the Big 10, The ACC, the MAC, Conference USA, the Sun Belt or the PAC 10 either (except USC, we’ll always care about USC no matter how many games they lose to Stanford and Oregon).

In fact you really don’t need to have a football program. By all rights you should just shut down, save that money, use it elsewhere at the university because we’ll never let you in the title game. What would this country be coming to if the National Champion of Division I college football was Boise State or Texas Christian? I mean that would be un-American. We’d have to be communists to let that happen.

You should just be happy that we ALLOW you to play in bowls against the teams we do let into the championship game, such as Boise State’s 2006 defeat of Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl or Utah’s 2008 defeat of Alabama in the Sugar bowl.

Because you see, those games are the real reason that we don’t want to let you play for the national championship.

You might actually win.

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