Sunday, September 13, 2009

Glenn Beck: The Czar of Conspiracy

Do you remember the movie Conspiracy Theory where Mel Gibson played a mentally unstable man whose life was consumed by paranoid delusions? For Glenn Beck this mediocre film was a watershed moment. It apparently gave his life direction and induced a psychotic break in Glenn’s feeble mind.

Glenn met more dullards like himself and convinced them to give him first a radio show and then a TV show on Headline News. Finally, he got called up to the show: the decepticons of Fox news gave him an hour a night and lots of publicity. Glenn’s mental breakdown has now reached Michele Bachmann-like proportions.

Last week on his show he was deciphering some artwork at 30 Rockefeller Center that he believes contains communist imagery. Now it’s hard to say what Glenn’s point was because after he rambled, spit and stalked his set like a bloated Yeti, he said, “What does this all mean? I don’t know.” So, since Glenn himself isn’t helping us I will speculate that he’s saying he believes John Rockefeller, who commissioned the artwork, was a commie pinko rat who wanted to bring about the downfall of America by subversively hiding communist symbols in plain sight.

One problem with this evil scheme that Glenn fails to recognize as his brain unravels like yarn from a spool: no one looks at this artwork. Case in point, Glenn asks one of his behind-the-scenes people if they had ever seen these images. The man answers he’s worked at 30 Rock for 29 years and had never seen it.

Call me cynical, but it’s hard to warp people’s minds with meaningful symbols if they never look at them. John Rockefeller was smart and savvy enough to amass one of the world’s largest fortunes, but couldn’t come up with a better plan to seduce people to the dark side than cryptic symbology that not even Dan Brown ever noticed?

Clearly, Glenn has gone bye bye. Farewell, Glenn’s sanity, we hardly knew ye.

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