Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Train for Crazytown is Leaving the Station . . . All Abooooard!

Victoria Jackson, an untalented, unfunny comedienne from some of the “black hole” years of SNL announced today that she’s moving from How-the-Hell-Did-I-End-Up-On-TV-burg to Crazytown. Yes, Victoria has sold her home on Notalent Boulevard and bought a townhouse next to Michelle Bachmann on the corner of Not-Wrapped-Too-Tight Lane and ParanoiaComin’ForYa Avenue. Miss Jackson announced her move into the medicated neighborhood with this unintelligible rant on her website (who gave her a website?). Her words are bolded, my comments are italicized:

You see, evil doesn't just show up. It disguises itself as something nice; so you'll let it in. It tricks you. [...] Crazy doesn’t just show up. It gussies itself up as a blond woman, goes on TV for a while, hides out in well deserved obscurity and then one day leaps out at you screaming about Hitler and selling her cat’s hairballs as “folk art”.

Social Security and Medicare are broke. Baby boomers, like me, are getting old and will soon be asking for it. Socialized medicine makes people die. Look out! Socialized medicine has a knife! It’s crazy! Oh my God, now it’s causing cancer by offering affordable prescription drugs! You stand in a long, long line with a breast lump, clogged artery, or sharp pencil stuck in your eye, Do you know a lot of people with pencils sticking out of their eye? I must admit to being ignorant of this plague of No. 2’s being stuck into the old optic nerve. My bad. and someone like the DMV person, who can't speak English, has chewing gum, an attitiude [sic], really long fake nails that curl up at the end, and is talking on a cell phone, enjoying their power trip moment, is finally face to face with you. They mumble something incoherent about paperwork. You die. One less person in line for Social Security and Medicare! Considering we’ve never had socialized medicine in the United States, this seems like speculation on your part. Indulge me my speculation for a moment: your show business career is sort of like a UFO sighting. It came out of nowhere, no one could explain it, we all felt violated by your presence and then it was gone.

Obama legally kills babies and now he can legally kill Grandmas! I know it’s been a long time since I took Civics class in high school, but I don’t remember the part of the constitution that gives the president the power to kill Nanna, Memaw, Grandma, Granny, Oma, and Grandmama.

Hitler did this. He killed the weak, the sick, the old, and babies and races/religions he didn't like. Hitler also controlled the media. (Where's the public debate between scientists on "Climate Change/Global Warming?") I’ve read numerous debates on the subject. Books are published about it on a regular basis. You really ought to pick up a newspaper or magazine occasionally between going off your meds. Hitler had the VW bug invented as the state car. What will O's nationalized car be? State car? Hell, the car companies will probably be dead within the year. The state car will be our legs because with gas prices rising for no reason we won’t be able to afford to drive anywhere even if we had a car. So... kill off the weak. That's the plan. Tax the workers to death. This old GOP chestnut won’t work anymore whackjob. Obama just passed the largest middle class tax cut in history. Erase the middle class. Sounds like the evil governments we studied in high school long ago. The evil governments were : kings, oligarchies, facist [sic], socialist, and communist. Evil kings kept all the money they collected Victwittia. Obama has given away around $800 billion to prop up failing businesses to keep millions more from losing their jobs. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do or if it will work, I’m just saying medieval kings and fascist dictators kept all the money for themselves. Now it's called the Obama Administration. Sounds like candy or a rock band. WTF?

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