Monday, October 8, 2018

Brought to You by . . .

My sister and I were listening to a football game on the radio and chuckling at all the sponsorship reads the announcers had to do. When they gave scores for other games there was a sponsor to mention, when they discussed a great play, it became the “play of the game” which of course had a sponsor. It made me wonder what a broadcast will be in a few years:

“Hello everybody this is Big Dave Stucky comin’ at ya from Met Life Stadium where the Jets are taking on the Patriots. My introduction was sponsored by Overbrook Electronics of Trenton New Jersey. And now let’s welcome my partner, former all pro running back Glenn Forster and his sponsor Taco Bill’s on route 1.”

“Thanks Dave, I love me some tacos.”

“Sure, who doesn’t. That banter was brought to you by Moon Mobile, more talk for less money. Glenn what do the Jets have to do today to stop the Pats?”

“Well Dave, your question was brought to us by The Puritan School, a charter school for all ages. The Jets need to pressure Brady early and often to keep that offense off-balance. When the Jets are on offense they need to run the ball to control the clock. My opinion sponsored by News Channel 7, home of the news and views that help you not to think.”

“All right, we are ready for the Cheese Wiz opening kick-off. Andre Roberts receives the ball at the Nestles 3-yard line and after a few jukes sponsored by Melanie’s School of Dance of Secaucus New Jersey, he’s pulled down at the McDonald’s 24.”

“The Jets really need to get stronger on special Teams, Dave. My opinion sponsored by Haberstroh’s Haberdashery New York, New York.”

“Ok, we’re ready for the GE first play of the game. Darnold drops back and flicks a pass to Bilal Powell for a 4-yard gain. Those positive yards brought to you by Tony Robbins. Second down, brought to you by Second Chance Animal Sanctuary, and Darnold hands off to Powell who goes up the middle for 3 more yards. That puts the ball at the Quaker State 31-yard line.”

“The Jets need to establish a run game today Dave. My analysis sponsored by The Schlichter Group, a nonpartisan think tank from Washington D.C.”

“It’s Arby’s third down and Darnold throws incomplete down the middle. That incompletion brought to you by Cadillac. The Jets are in the Jack Links Beef Jerky punt formation . . .”

“They need a good kick to pin the Pats deep.”

“Glenn’s comment sponsored by Dell. The kick is taken at the Acura 15-yard line by Edelman. He cuts right and is tackled at the Snickers 25. We’ll be back after these messages.”


“Welcome back everyone to the Jeep second drive of the game. Glenn?”

“Thank you, Dave. My commercial break bowel movement was brought to you by Quilted Northern. Let’s see if the Patriots can jump on the Jets early. Analysis sponsored by Wells Fargo.”

“Right you are Glenn, the Patriots love to get teams in an early hole. My agreement of your analysis brought to you by Royal Farms. Brady drops back and throws a Kentucky Fried Chicken deep pass to a Pepsi open receiver.”

“He caught it! My excitement sponsored by Texas Roadhouse!”

“Edelman has it at the Home Depot 40, he’s at the Lowe’s 35, cuts right, breaks a Pizza Hut tackle at the Netflix 29, slips another Subway tackle, he’s at the Regal Cinemas 17, the WaWa 10, Vizio 5, Apple Watch touchdown!”

“Wow! Sponsored by Jim Beam!”

“What a Stephen King’s latest blockbuster start to the game. We’ll be Miller Lite right back.”

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