I was bored at work one day this week so I wrote my name down and assigned each letter a number. I ended up with:
3, 7, 17, 8, 18
I added them together for 53. I multiplied them for a total of 51,408. When I subtracted each digit I got -47 and when using division ended up with .000024. I then added all the numbers together for a total of 51414.000024. Using my assigned number system and the word “zero” to stand in for the 4 zeroes I gave myself a new identity: Eadad Zerobd. Don’t ask me how to pronounce my new last name because I don’t know. I then proceeded to create a back story for the new me:
Eadad Zerobd, originally born in
left his home country when he was thirteen as a member of the Lithuanian
National Circus. Starting out as an acrobat, after a ruptured spleen and a
large bruise in the shape of the Lithuania Strait of Hormuz,
he was transferred to toe nail clipper for the elephants. He formed a quick
friendship with “Peanut”, a 12 ton Asian bull elephant. One evening in at a pub called
“ Brussels A Place
to Get Drunk” after too many Belgian Blam Blams, Eadad and Peanut went on a
rampage through the city streets, destroying cars, buildings and killing two
Afraid to go to jail, Eadad disguised himself as a Frenchman by carrying a loaf of bread everywhere he went and smelling like cheese. After a few months he stowed away on a ship carrying scrap metal to
harbor in the .
Unfortunately the ship’s name was Harbinger of Doom and Eadad was found hiding
in a sack of potatoes in the kitchen. He was thrown overboard. It looked like
the end of the line for Eadad until he was taken in by a pod of humpback
whales. United States
The whales created a blowhole in Eadad’s back, taught him to breech and how to consume a ton of krill every day. It was an amazing life in the water. Eadad was sorry to leave his cetacean friends but he had ballooned to 456 pounds from all the krill and could barely breathe much less swim. He came ashore and started walking on the beach to lose weight while living in the burned out body of an ’87 Impala and eating discarded tacos from the dumpster at Loco Flacco’s Taco Hell.
Even after he had lost the extra weight, Eadad continued walking, finally ending up in
. He took a
job as a state representative and lives comfortably off of kickbacks from the
bagel, croissant and muffin consortium. Pennsylvania
Yep, sure was boring that day at work.