Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Governors

Coming this fall on Fox it’s the sitcom that puts politics where it belongs: under the banana peels and coffee grounds in the trash!

It’s The Governors starring Sarah Palin and Chris Christie

Opening scene: Sarah and Chris sit at the breakfast table in the apartment they share in a brownstone in New York City. Sarah is reading the paper while Chris eats breakfast.

Sarah: Can you believe this? Roger Ailes says that he only hired me on Fox News because I’m stacked. What about my intelectalizin’?
Chris: Your what?
Sarah: My analizin’ skills.
Chris: Huh?
Sarah: My smarts!
Chris: Oh. Mmmm.

Chris stuffs a pastrami sandwich into his mouth.

Sarah: Now Chris, how many sammiches are you goin’ to eat for breakfast?
Chris: As many as I need to stay in the news as a fat loudmouth.
Sarah: You got other things goin’ for ya.
Chris: Like what?

Sarah thinks for a moment, then gets up and walks to the refrigerator.

Sarah: Ham and cheese this time?
Chris: Wait. You’re right. I’m more than just a rapacious appetite and crude opinions. And you’re more than a pair of sweater kittens.
Sarah: I didn’t think ya noticed!
Chris: We need to do something big!
Sarah: I could shoot a moose!
Chris: And I could eat it! Wait, no. Don’t think about food, don’t think about food.
Sarah: And I won’t think about anything,
Chris: Good, now we’re getting somewhere.
Sarah: Where?
Chris: As God is my witness I don’t know.
Sarah: Hey, I know God too. He told me not to run for president in 2012
Chris: I thought it was because you’re a whore for money.
Sarah: Oh yeah.

They both walk into the living room and plop down on the couch.

Sarah: Do you really think I’m smart?
Chris: Do you think I’m thin?
Sarah: Next topic.
Chris: I want to do something that will change the world.
Sarah: That’s why you became governor, huh?
Chris: No, that’s why I became a boy scout. But they accused me of eating the scout master.
Sarah: Ookay. So then you became governor.
Chris: No, then I volunteered at the hospital, taking food trays to the patients.
Sarah: Hoo boy, I don’t like where this is goin’
Chris: I really loved the Jello.
Sarah: How much did you love it Chris?
Chris: They found me naked in one of the whirlpools covered in the strawberry flavor.
Sarah: Let’s fast forward through this story, ok? Why did you become governor?
Chris: Free sandwiches. You?
Sarah: Oh, free everything. I haven’t spent a dime of my own scratch in years don’t ya know.
Chris: What are we going to do?
Sarah: We’ll just keep bein’ ourselves.
Chris: You mean two stupid people who feel a sense of entitlement and have absolutely no frigging clue what we’re doing?
Sarah: Yeah . . . I guess, although it sounded better in my head.
Chris: Let’s go eat lunch.
Sarah: Its only 8:30 in the morning for Pete’s sake!

Chris drops his head sadly.

Sarah: Ok ya big lug. Let’s go.

Cue music

Tune in next week when Mitt Romney spends the night and can’t decide whether to sleep on the couch or in the spare room.

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