The Adventures of Johnny Douche

I was following a car yesterday with the license plate “Po’ Johnny”. Seemed like an odd personalization until I looked at the car: rag top Mercedes sports car. “Oh”, I said out loud to myself. “I get it. You’re a dick.” I can see him now with his friends. “I just got this baby for $60,000. And look at my new license plate: Po’ Johnny. Damn I’m funny.” He’s perfect for the new sitcom I’m developing for Fox called “Johnny Douche”.

Johnny Douche

Johnny Douche

Treats everyone like their a fool

Johnny Douche

Johnny Douche

He’s the world’s biggest tool

He white

He’s rich

He’s a greasy, entitled

Son of a bitch

Look out world, it’s Johnny D

This week’s episode: Johnny goes on a Date

Johnny: What do you think of my car?

Laura: It’s nice.

Johnny: Damn right it’s nice. I laid down 60g for it.

Laura: Oh, ok.

Johnny: Where would you like to eat tonight?

Laura: I really like . . .

Johnny: That’s ok, I made reservations at The Amberwine Inn. They know me there.

Laura: Ok, sure.

Johnny: You seem upset.

Laura: Well, you . . .

Johnny: Why are chicks like that anyway? Why can’t you relax, you know what I mean?

Laura: Look . . .

Johnny: Oh wait, my phone’s ringing. This is a prototype a buddy of mine built. Gonna be bigger than the iPhone. I’m going to make a fortune.

Laura: Good for you.

Johnny: Damn right good for me. Hey Chuck, you got Johnny D, what’s up? Right now? I’m driving to dinner. Uh huh. Really?

Laura: Can you just let me out at the corner?

Johnny: Hang on sweetheart, Johnny’s on the phone.

Laura: No, really, I want out.

Johnny: Anxious, huh? Johnny likes that in a woman. Why don’t we just skip dinner?

Laura: If you just slow down I’ll drop and roll.

Johnny: “Drop and roll”? Is that some kinky sexual position? I thought I knew them all.

Laura: I’m going to throw up.

Johnny: Whoa, not on the new leather seats sweetheart.

Laura: Don’t bother stopping, I’ll be fine.

(Laura opens the car door and leaps out)

Johnny: Hey, where are you going? Oh well. Hey Chuck, you want a ride in my new car? Yeah, it cost me 60g. And you need to see the license plate.

Johnny goes on vacation, next week on Fox!

Beckster and the Bachmanninator

This fall on Fox it’s the new hit comedy Beckster and the Bachmanninator. Watch as a U.S. Congresswoman and a right wing radio/TV host share an apartment, trade paranoid delusions and deal with the liberals across the hall.

In the pilot episode, Michelle gets added to some important lists and Glenn contradicts himself faster than any man in history. Let’s watch:

Theme Song:

It’s Glenn
and his pal Michelle
They’re crazy
but they can’t tell

She calls him Beckster
he calls her the Bachmanninator
They’re paranoid
together!

Opening: Michelle Bachmann sits at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.

Michelle: It says here that the National Republican Congressional Committee added me to a list of the most vulnerable incumbents in 2010. I’ve been added to a lot of lists lately. I’m on that waiting list for the new experimental anti-psychotic drug, I’m number one in frequent flier miles on Crazytown Airlines, and I’ve just been added to the advisory board for the support group Making Paranoia Work For You. Oh yes, last night I joined that new Facebook group Republicans Against Fact Checking and of course there are my duties as treasurer for the Joseph McCarthy Fan Club.
Michelle looks at her watch.
I forgot, Glenn is on Fox and Friends this morning. I wonder how it’s going.
Michelle turns on the TV.

Glenn: President Obama has over and over again exposed himself as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.

Fox host Brian Kilmeade: Many people that work in Obama’s administration are white so you can’t say he doesn’t like white people.

Glenn: “I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people.

Music: Mwapp Mwapp Mwapp Mwaaaaaa

Michelle: Oh no, he did it again. That's my Glenn!
Cue laugh track and applause.

Join us next week when Al Franken and Michael Moore move in downstairs and object to Michelle and Glenn constantly blowing their own horns. Goodnight everybody!