The 22 Million email March

The news was broken a few days ago that technicians have been able to recover 22 million White House emails that were lost during the Bush administration. Now I’ve lost things before, but 22 MILLION emails? What could they have said that no one tried to save them or retrieve them when they realized they were lost? Luckily Cosmic Overdrive has gotten its hands on some of the messages and they shed some light on what the day to day workings of the Bush White House were like:

From: George Bush
To: Donald Rumsfeld
Subject: cool video

Hey Rummy, have you seen that video on the You Tubes of that kitty playing the piano? Can we get that kitty for the next Kennedy Center thing? Get on it.

From: Dick Cheney
To: Dana Perrino
Subject: Fear

I saw the press briefing today. There was no mention of how afraid the American people should be. From now on I want at least 3 mentions of fear to the press every day.

From: George Bush
To: Dick Cheney
Subject: Hey!

Hey grandpa! You awake? Ha ha ha

From: George Bush
To: John Ashcroft
Subject: Nickname

Hey Ashcroft I have a new nickname for you: Asscrap! Ashcroft—Asscrap, you get it? Gotta go, some general is talking to me

From: Donald Rumsfeld
To: All
Subject: Computer Usage

Whoever used my computer last Tuesday while I was at lunch, I’m not paying for all this Indonesian porn you ordered

From: George Bush
To: All
Subject: Fwd: Get to Know Your Friends

I better get this back!
Fill in your answers and forward to all your email buddies
Name: George Bush
Occupation: The Decider
What are you wearing right now: GI Joe pjs
Favorite TV show: Gilligan’s Island
Cocaine or beer: BOTH!
Last book you read: Don’t remember, but the last movie I saw was Rambo III, get ‘em Rocky!
Person most likely to respond: mom
Person least likely to respond: Cheney (come one old man, prove me wrong!)
Woman you’d most like to see naked: Condi (don’t tell her)

From: Dick Cheney
To: George Bush
Subject: RE: Get to Know Your Friends

How many times have I told you to stop sending me this crap? I have a country to run!

James Harrison, Idiot of the Week

There is a tradition in America that the champions of the 4 major professional sports and the National Champions in the college sports get a visit to the white house for their accomplishments to be celebrated. The players and coaches get to have their photos taken with the president and chat with him for a few minutes. I don’t know why we do it, but it’s been going on for as long as I can remember.

This Thursday is the scheduled visit of the NFL’s Pittsburg Steelers who won the Super Bowl in February of this year. One player, James Harrison, has stated he won’t be going to the ceremony because he doesn’t view it as special because, “I feel like that if Arizona (Cardinals) had won, Obama would have invited them to the White House.”

Uh, yeah James, that’s kind of how it works. The WINNING team gets the perk of an invitation to the WHITE HOUSE where the MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD lives and works. What, you wanted Obama to just invite the whole team over some random Saturday for a beer and taco night and watch an NBA playoff game together like you’re all old frat buddies? He’s THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES you dumbass, he’s a little busy.

Here’s James at the doctor’s office:
You took Mr. Schwartz right after me. I feel like if he had been here first you would have taken him before me. I’m finding another doctor.

James at the grocery store:
You waited on this lady right after ringing up my cheetos and hemorrhoid cream. I feel like if she had gotten in line before me you would have rung her up first. I’m not shopping here anymore.

James on his interception return for a touchdown in the Super Bowl:
I feel like if I had been tackled before crossing the goal line they wouldn’t have given me the touchdown. I’m retiring from football.

James Harrison, our idiot of the week!