My
sister and I were listening to a football game on the radio and chuckling at
all the sponsorship reads the announcers had to do. When they gave scores for
other games there was a sponsor to mention, when they discussed a great play,
it became the “play of the game” which of course had a sponsor. It made me
wonder what a broadcast will be in a few years:
“Hello everybody this is Big Dave Stucky
comin’ at ya from Met Life Stadium where the Jets are taking on the Patriots.
My introduction was sponsored by Overbrook Electronics of Trenton New Jersey.
And now let’s welcome my partner, former all pro running back Glenn Forster and
his sponsor Taco Bill’s on route 1.”
“Thanks Dave, I love me some tacos.”
“Sure, who doesn’t. That banter was
brought to you by Moon Mobile, more talk for less money. Glenn what do the Jets
have to do today to stop the Pats?”
“Well Dave, your question was brought to
us by The Puritan School, a charter school for all ages. The Jets need to
pressure Brady early and often to keep that offense off-balance. When the Jets
are on offense they need to run the ball to control the clock. My opinion
sponsored by News Channel 7, home of the news and views that help you not to
think.”
“All right, we are ready for the Cheese
Wiz opening kick-off. Andre Roberts receives the ball at the Nestles 3-yard
line and after a few jukes sponsored by Melanie’s School of Dance of Secaucus
New Jersey, he’s pulled down at the McDonald’s 24.”
“The Jets really need to get stronger on
special Teams, Dave. My opinion sponsored by Haberstroh’s Haberdashery New
York, New York.”
“Ok, we’re ready for the GE first play
of the game. Darnold drops back and flicks a pass to Bilal Powell for a 4-yard
gain. Those positive yards brought to you by Tony Robbins. Second down, brought
to you by Second Chance Animal Sanctuary, and Darnold hands off to Powell who
goes up the middle for 3 more yards. That puts the ball at the Quaker State
31-yard line.”
“The Jets need to establish a run game
today Dave. My analysis sponsored by The Schlichter Group, a nonpartisan think
tank from Washington D.C.”
“It’s Arby’s third down and Darnold
throws incomplete down the middle. That incompletion brought to you by
Cadillac. The Jets are in the Jack Links Beef Jerky punt formation . . .”
“They need a good kick to pin the Pats
deep.”
“Glenn’s comment sponsored by Dell. The
kick is taken at the Acura 15-yard line by Edelman. He cuts right and is tackled
at the Snickers 25. We’ll be back after these messages.”
*****
“Welcome back everyone to the Jeep
second drive of the game. Glenn?”
“Thank you, Dave. My commercial break
bowel movement was brought to you by Quilted Northern. Let’s see if the
Patriots can jump on the Jets early. Analysis sponsored by Wells Fargo.”
“Right you are Glenn, the Patriots love
to get teams in an early hole. My agreement of your analysis brought to you by
Royal Farms. Brady drops back and throws a Kentucky Fried Chicken deep pass to
a Pepsi open receiver.”
“He caught it! My excitement sponsored
by Texas Roadhouse!”
“Edelman has it at the Home Depot 40,
he’s at the Lowe’s 35, cuts right, breaks a Pizza Hut tackle at the Netflix 29,
slips another Subway tackle, he’s at the Regal Cinemas 17, the WaWa 10, Vizio
5, Apple Watch touchdown!”
“Wow! Sponsored by Jim Beam!”
“What a Stephen King’s latest
blockbuster start to the game. We’ll be Miller Lite right back.”
