My Kingdom for a Muse

I’ve been having trouble coming up with something to write about this week. It’s not really writer’s block, more like writer’s don’t-give-a-shit. I haven’t done anything intensely stupid in the last few days to detail to you with my insouciant absurdity (I can hear many of you vocally doubting this, but it’s the truth, cross my heart and hope to never see any more Will Smith progeny singing, dancing, acting, etc.). There’s plenty going on in the political world but frankly it’s depressing. I want to make fun of it. Some of my favorites are in the news again: Bachmann, the Beckster, John “Cry Me a River” Boehner, but their lunacy and open-mouthed drooling has left me cold this week. As for the entertainment world, I’m Lohaned out. How much more can be said about the banality and narcissism of entitled lumps of protoplasm?

I had the thought to write about having nothing to write about. The concept is completely unoriginal and has the added benefit of being the cheap way out. But then I thought, “Don’t I owe my 7 readers more than that?” and I answered myself, “Yes, but they’re probably only expecting the same animal dung you usually throw at the wall.”

Feeling empowered by the invigorating badinage with my id and ego, my superego began composing a vital treatise on nothing at all. Thirty seven words into it however, I again questioned whether I could actually write hundreds of words about having nothing to write hundreds of words about. I doubted my ability to bullshit my way through 5 paragraphs of internet babble. This crisis of confidence led me to this thought: “Maybe I should try harder to think of an actual subject to write about.”

The answer was a resounding “Meh.” The world at large just didn’t capture my attention this week. “Inspire me!” I cried. “Suck it!” the world riposted. “Give me a muse!” I begged. “I can’t hear you, la la la la la!” the world taunted me back. “I need original content!” I pleaded. “Just insert links to funny pictures the way other websites do!” the world advised.

And so I’m back to my original insidious plan to fake my way through an entire blog and still keep you reading to the end. I’m going to start on it later tonight and when I finish, it will be satirical gold.

credit: the painting is entitled "Thalia, Muse of Comedy (1739) by Jean-Marc Nattier