Michele Bachmann, You're to Blame

Michele “Wingnut” Bachmann has done it again. Yes, someone let her open her mouth one more time. I thought by now the doctors would have adjusted her medication to settle her down, but apparently not.

Michele, in her dubious wisdom, has decided the swine flu outbreak is the fault of the democrats because, according to her, the last outbreak occurred under Jimmy Carter, a democratic president.

Putting aside the fact that’s she’s once again factually wrong (the last outbreak occurred under REPUBLICAN president Gerald Ford), I decided to research Michele’s special brand of pixilated logic and I discovered that SHE is actually responsible for many bad things throughout history:

1. Starting small, I have eczema on my hand. It started 5 or 6 years ago while a republican was president. Michele is a republican therefore Michele Bachmann is to be blamed for my discomfort.
2. The current economic collapse started under a republican president. The Great Depression started under a republican president. Michele is a republican, thus Michele Bachmann started the economic crisis. Thanks a lot Michele!
3. Bachmann is a Germanic name. Germany was one of the hardest hit European countries of the 14th century bubonic plague. So, Michele Bachmann was to blame for the Black Death. Why, Michele, why?
4. Michele Bachmann was born April 6, 1956. If you add up the digits of her date of birth you get 31. The Roman Empire fell in 476. If you add up the digits you get 17. 17 and 31 are both prime numbers meaning, yes, Michele Bachmann caused the fall of the Roman Empire!

I was stunned when I realized the implications of my discovery. Essentially, if you try hard enough, you can prove that Michele Bachmann is to be blamed for every bad thing that has ever happened!

You have been warned.