Over the past month I’ve posted several comments on Facebook about my local radio stations. I’m starting to feel like a grouchy old man yelling “Hey you DJs, get off my lawn!” The thing is I don’t even listen to the radio much, only when I’m in the car going to and from work, so maybe an hour a day. And yet in that short time many things manage to irritate me.
I have 8 different stations programmed into my car stereo and yet can’t find a song to listen to:
Station 1: And now our 43rd traffic update in the last 20 minutes. Of course we’re starting two counties over, 150 miles from wherever you are. We’ll get to the accident on your route only after you’ve gotten caught in the traffic jam it created. (On a side note it seems like at least twice a week in the
area a vehicle fire is reported. Cars are just bursting into flames in the Harrisburg capital
Station 2: Do you have warts? Hey, who doesn’t? Dr. Womp’s patented wart removal system is the only proven . . .
Station 3: Billy the Bozo here with your afternoon drive time joke of the day, taken directly from this month’s Reader’s Digest . . .
Station 4: That was Train finishing up a 32 song two hour commercial free jam here on 103.2 The Middle of the Road Light Rock Station. We’ll be back in about an hour after these messages.
Station 5: Come on down to the Bigtown Used Car Emporium and Carpeting Showcase for our semi-annual President’s Day sale . . .
Station 6: I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this message . . .
Station 7: I’m Barack Obama and I approve this message . . .
Station 8: That was Led Zeppelin and in a few minutes we’ll have some Red Hot Chili Peppers. You know last night I tried watching Dancing with the Stars, because, you know, my girlfriend loves that show. So I’m watching it, and tell me if you think this is weird by either calling 309-4567 or hitting me up on twitter @boringdjwon’tshutupaboutpersonallife, I was really taken by the dancing ability of that chick that stars on that one show on Fox. You know, the one that takes place in a city, can’t think of which one . . .
That’s what I get to listen to on my drive home. I just want a song or two to sing along to, let off some of the stress of the day. But all I get are commercials, traffic reports about roads I don’t travel and wacky DJ patter.
All right you hippy radio guys, get off my property. Andy Griffith is coming on and then I have to go to bed before the sun goes down. And play a song once in a while! Something young and hip, like Benny Goodman or Glenn Miller. Bah!